Toxic stuff . Might be immature of me...

But at least I can admit it right?

So to TRY and make a long story short....I always fail when I try to make it short lol I guess I'm an oversharer cause I always like to tell the whole story.

Was with a man for 7 years. Yes he love bombed me and did all that, but he also kind of made me feel like I was in control somehow. Type to say I'm gonna kill myself if I can't be with you but also ill do anything to be with you. And throws in some of the "this would have never happened if you didn't act this way" But ALSO tries to find a girlfriend the second we break up cause it somehow makes him "win" I feel so much pain in my heart right now. I want so badly to move on, yes. But I also can't help but to feel hate in my heart cause he always tells the side to make me look bad and crazy. I just don't feel like its right that he gets to start over and act like a Saint, the victim, does no wrong. I know its immature to think that he shouldn't be able to do this with a new person. I am mature enough to know that the way we didn't work he could absolutely work with someone else but all he does is tarnish my name to get them to feel bad for him. It hits me to the core cause I always told both sides of the story to get another view cause I want to be in the right not be close minded. I never told anyone the pain he caused me because I never wanted anyone to feel a different way about him and thats the first thing he would jump to do everytime. I really DO want to move on but I literally feel like a fucking addict and like I can't help it. I'm in so much pain but im also smart enough to know I don't deserve this. Its all just so hard.

(This post was in health group, I dirty deleted it cause I couldn't decide which group was best in, just found this group and felt like relationships was a better place to post it)