Help. I slapped my toddler's bum today.

I dont want to beat my child. I feel guilty. I know it is wrong.

Unfortunately this is the second time am doing it. He is 2½. First time was about a month ago. He kept bouncing on me and hurting my belly. Am 16 weeks pregnant. I kept telling him to stop but he wouldnt. At some point it hurt so much i screamed in pain but simontaneously slapped his bum. I felt the pain in my hand too. I was sorry. He laughed while wiping a tear from his eyes as he scratched his bum. I told him he hurt me and asked him to apologise which he did sweetly. It is like he knew he was wrong. I was at loss. I was guilty, but also laughing with him. I was confused if i too should say sorry or if it would spoil the point i was trying to tell him. After he apologised i hugged him tight and told him am sorry too but he shouldnt hurt mummy's belly. He is such a sweet boy and even up to now am eaten up by guilt. And yet it didnt stop me from hitting him today. I dont remember exactly what he did today but i remember he was pushing my nerves. Am currently sick and in pain but have to push mysrlf to care for him. It aint an excuse i know. Still he scratched his bum, didnt cry, didnt complain, just settled and started painting. I know i hurt him because i felt it in my hand. I didnt plan to hit him and didnt know i was going to until i had already done so.

He is sleeping and am thinking about why i hit my baby. How it is becoming a bahaviour. Why do i lose my patience? He is just a baby. Why dont i think before? And i know a part of why i hit him is because my mom not only hit me, but encourages me to do so too. As a child, i was very obedient and had good behavior. My only weakness was i played too much that i forgot my chores. So i would get like 3-5 beatings a year. I never felt like my mom hated or abused me. I felt completely loved and i knew why i was being punished. She never once hit me with her hands or out of impulse like i did to my son. And i guess it was normal because every kid got a beating even in other homes. i actually got the least. I never saw it as child abuse. My dad beay me only once in my life because i pooped on bed when i was 3 years. I never forgot it. My mom didnt lay a finger on me once i turned 12. In my home, not once did i ever hear my parents raise their voices at eachother or us kids. So screaming and yelling traumatised me more than a cain. So yes. Learning kids shouldnt be beaten is second nature to me. But i know despite background or culture, one should drop bad habits. I seem to know by brain that it is bad but havent gotten to a point where i just dont do it. I dont have the voice to shout and i dont scream at my kid. That seems to come naturally to me. But i feel am failing. When i talk to mom about it, she just encourages me and says i shouldnt let him get wild beyond repair or i will fail to raise him. My husband doesnt believe in beating either. But he works away from home so he aint there to help me parent. When he is around i find am more chill and he is shocked because he always talks like the more lenient one while i like i confessed, didnt originally have a bad attitude towards beating. I fear the stress am under causes me to be less patient.

Please i need lots and lots of tips to help me stop. I dont want my son to grow up and remember me hitting him.

I heard to do time-out instead but my challenge is i slapped him spontaneously and instinctively. Like my body just did it before i could stop myself. I havent gotten to the point where he cries in pain and dont want to get there. I feel guilty because my son is so sweet and innocent and i love him so much, i shouldnt be the one to hurt him.