Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/RagešŸ˜­šŸ¤§

Iā€™ve been VERY on edge lately and I want to speak with someone about it but I have this overwhelming fear that if I tell anyone how I really feel they will say that Iā€™m not fit and take my baby away. It just sucks having mental heath problems and having no one to talk to I just feel so alone and Iā€™ve rehearsed in my head so many times how Iā€™m going to bring it up to my dr or literally anyone but every time Iā€™m always too scaredā€¦ Iā€™ve had social anxiety my whole life so it makes having regular conversations very difficult especially ones where Iā€™m the ā€œcenter of attentionā€ I always feel like my problems are so little because thatā€™s the way itā€™s been my whole life and I know I had depression in high school but never took anything for it and I was never really suicidal but I think about it often now and I donā€™t actually WANT to kill myself thatā€™s why I want help I want to stop feeling like I want to die all the time and stop having panic attacks just because my baby hates having his diaper changed or is fighting sleep but I just get so frustrated when I canā€™t immediately fix him when he cries and I feel like a failure and I feel bad when I need to take a break and I leave him to cry for a second so I can breathe because heā€™s just a baby and crying is his only way of communicating but I canā€™t really even function when heā€™s crying I start crying and shaking and I canā€™t even think, see or barely breathe I just wanna scream but I canā€™t so I try to calm him down so that I can calm down. Iā€™m almost 6 months postpartum and I thought that the ā€œbaby bluesā€ were bad but THIS!! Idk if I can do this for much longerā€¦.