Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/Rage😭🤧

I’ve been VERY on edge lately and I want to speak with someone about it but I have this overwhelming fear that if I tell anyone how I really feel they will say that I’m not fit and take my baby away. It just sucks having mental heath problems and having no one to talk to I just feel so alone and I’ve rehearsed in my head so many times how I’m going to bring it up to my dr or literally anyone but every time I’m always too scared… I’ve had social anxiety my whole life so it makes having regular conversations very difficult especially ones where I’m the “center of attention” I always feel like my problems are so little because that’s the way it’s been my whole life and I know I had depression in high school but never took anything for it and I was never really suicidal but I think about it often now and I don’t actually WANT to kill myself that’s why I want help I want to stop feeling like I want to die all the time and stop having panic attacks just because my baby hates having his diaper changed or is fighting sleep but I just get so frustrated when I can’t immediately fix him when he cries and I feel like a failure and I feel bad when I need to take a break and I leave him to cry for a second so I can breathe because he’s just a baby and crying is his only way of communicating but I can’t really even function when he’s crying I start crying and shaking and I can’t even think, see or barely breathe I just wanna scream but I can’t so I try to calm him down so that I can calm down. I’m almost 6 months postpartum and I thought that the “baby blues” were bad but THIS!! Idk if I can do this for much longer….