8 weeks and having 2nd thoughts

Please no judgemental comments!!!

Im 8 weeks pregnant, to say im shocked is an understatement. I was told it would be impossible for me to have kids but here I am.

The thing is, it’s my ex’s baby. He wants nothing to do with it but supports me either way. Some how even tho our relationship ended messy we are still good friends!

I live by myself in a 1 bedroom flat, I put $750 a fortnight on rent and $500 a fortnight on car payments. My car is almost paid off.

I was going to move in with my mum and step dad!!

Up until I was 18 I got abused by my step dad.

I moved out 2 weeks after my 18th birthday and haven’t been back since. Im now 22 and my relationship with my parents got a lot better.

But before I fully committed to moving in I’d thought I’d go over my parents house to visit just to see how things were going (they’ve taken in my cousin, but that’s a whole other story🤦🏼‍♀️)

I thought my cousin would be a problem but it turns out my step dad hasn’t changed at all.

My cousin is very clueless and was brought up honestly knowing jack shit. But he is slowly getting there. My step dad gets so cranky at him all the time and takes it out on everyone and everything. Punches things (thankfully he hasn’t touched my younger sister 12 or my mum or cousin, if he did he won’t be walking)

I refuse to have him in my child’s life.

( he also told his dad and the rest of his family that I’m pregnant. He thought he had the right too. I got so cranky because

1- it’s my choice who and when I tell people

2- it’s a high risk pregnancy so I wanted to wait until 16 weeks to make sure everything was safe

3- I didn’t want people knowing that it was my ex’s

It’s made me so upset that he could tell everyone and not think how it would make me feel)

My mum was so happy to help me. Baby sit, help cook meals etc.

I’m lost on what to do or where to even start.

I can’t afford a new place at the moment because the minimum price for a 2 bedroom is $430 a week.

I don’t even know if I can go through with this anymore.

It’s going to be so hard not having my mum around as much as I thought

I feel like such a horrible mum and I’m not even a mum yet 😪