Pliable personality

My mom and I were talking today about how she grew up very easy to manipulate and how her brothers used to take advantage of her being so willing to say yes to things they asked her to do and how when she realized what they were doing she changed dramatically. Anyways a little ways into the conversation we were talking about my husband and things going on with his family and what we’ve been through the last couple of years and my mom said that I take advantage of him (my husband) because he’s always so willing to do things same as she was. And that really kind of hurt me. I’ve felt like we have a really good relationship and I would hate to think he’s unhappy because of anything I’m doing to him. But I also know that about him that he doesn’t like to rock the boat because of how things are in his family - they’re incredibly manipulative and downright cruel if you say no and so now he would never say if he wasn’t happy or didn’t like something. and that’s part of the issue that I have with his family is that any issues they just ignore and act like nothing is wrong rather than saying hey I don’t like that or whatever they just literally ignore it and I don’t want that in my marriage.

I want to have a clean slate and I don’t know if she’s knows that’s a huge insecurity for me that I can never tell if he’s upset or not or if he’s okay with something because he always just says it’s fine. Even when I can see his mood shift he insists he’s more than happy to do X which I appreciate but I also hate at the same time - I’d rather he just tell me no if he doesn’t want to do something. I’ve talked to him about it and asked him to be more open with me but I know he’s not. I don’t know if I’m making any sense I’m so hurt right now.

Like even talking about this to my husband if I ask him to do something, I can tell when he doesn’t want to do it and I wouldn’t care if he said no but he goes and does it anyways and my family sees that as me taking advantage of him rather than that he’s unwilling to say no. If I can tell he doesn’t want to go do whatever I asked and I try to do it myself he gets so upset with me. I don’t even know what to do because I feel like I’m the trapped one. I feel like I can’t ask him for things because he won’t ever say no and he doesn’t trust me that no is an okay answer.

Basically I feel like I can’t even have a conversation with him about this because to spare my feelings he will just say, it’s okay and he’s happy and he wouldn’t change anything.

Please be kind - I’m kind of falling apart here but if you have any advice, I will take it!