I think my dad sexually assaulted me when I was a child. I don’t remember it. I think my mind is blocking it out. There’s are just a lot of instances of things that are red flags that make me feel this way. Edit: I’m a girl.

🚩I am my dads favorite child. I have 3 siblings.

🚩I spent a lot of time alone with my dad when it was just my older sibling and I, because they were in school, my mom worked during the day, and he was on an evening shift.

🚩I was overly obedient to my dad. I always did what I was told.

🚩I was a very sexual as a child. I don’t remember when or how I learned it. But I “explored” with a friend all the time. I was in kindergarten. I knew how to masturbate. I did masturbate. I was 5.

🚩my sibling right under me (22 month apart) has always had a strained relationship with my dad. Despite having “no reason to” age 4+. He always made them uncomfortable. Growing up they have always hated being touched, especially by him. I think he did it to both of us. They don’t remember anything either though.

🚩my mom recently told me she came home once, and I had a hickie on my neck. My dad told her “we were playing vampires”. She said after that she thoroughly checked mine and my siblings bodies every night for months looking for signs of abuse and never saw any.

🚩I’m 30 now, but my mom only found out my dad used to whoop us when I was like 25. She was against it, and we never told her because 1. he would tell us not to. 2. We thought she already knew. He would say he’s going to tell her himself.

🚩my dad has always been a liar, and kept secrets. I didn’t find out he was a smoker until I was 17 years old, and it’s ONLY because someone else told me.

I don’t remember anything before age 5 that could’ve made me that way. I do know I’ve always kept how sexual I was as a child a secret. That is learned behavior. Someone taught me those things and someone told me to keep it a secret. And I think it was my dad.

I have a good relationship with my dad now. My parents divorced when I was 19 for other reasons. I never experienced any assault from my dad from age 5 and on. But I think he did when I was a toddler and couldn’t/wouldn’t tell.

Ive never talked about this before, and I don’t know how to proceed from here..