To the guy in my trig class

To the guy that sits beside me in math class everyday, the guy that talks to me and walks with me back from class until we have to part ways, I missed you today. I noticed you didn’t show up, I hope you’re alright. You have been the only guy that tries to talk, and has stuck around, to me since I came to this college. I think you’re cute, I don’t think my family would like you, but I don’t care. You make me smile and walk slower back with me from class everyday so we get just a little bit more time to talk. The sense of calm you bring me is crazy, I haven’t ever felt that calm with anyone, or been about to talk so easily to someone. I am so afraid that if I tell you my secrets you’ll run, that’s what the last guy did. I guess that would just tell me how worthy of me you really are, but it still hurts to see the people you hoped to love and receive love in return vanish and then act like you’re nothing to them. I’ll wait to tell you longer than the last guy. Each time it seems like no one cares or just doesn’t want to see me after that. But I think you’re different than them. I hope so. I have trust issues, I’ll admit. It’s because of good reason though. Everyone I think is my friend seems to turn against me. I met a guy last semester who ghosted after I told him my secrets and I liked him too. I started talking to someone else too but I don’t think he had feelings for me, and really I’m not sure how I felt towards him. Now he’s also in my math class, in fact he’s two seats in front of you. I catch him and his friend starting at me sometimes then after class there’s time I swear they are talking about me, not in a kind way, but laughing and joking, and staring. I’m not a thin girl and I know it but I don’t feel that bad about it. Thankfully you don’t seem to mind either. I feel silly that I still don’t know you’re name, only because the math teacher barely speaks English and neither of us has introduced ourselves really. In this case, it’s different. Sometimes names aren’t the first thing you want to know and that’s okay. You’re a transfer student and I was the first to welcome you, maybe that’s why we have a connection but idk. It feels deeper than that. I miss you, please come back to class.