Left toxic relationship, how to fix toxic thinking

Tw: abuse

I got away from my toxic and occasionally abusive marriage to an addict. I am reconnecting with friends i ghosted to keep up things with my ex and am trying to heal. I’m fighting out custody. My ex is still determined to force me back one way or another.

My issue is I have happened across someone who could be really good for me. But I am terrified. Like sex seems easy to think about but at some level I keep imagining or having nightmares that he ends up also being abusive or blackmails me (something my ex did) or ends up turning out to be in cahoots with my ex to destroy me or whatever else my brain comes up with. Im so used to something terrible happening with every scrap of hope or good. I know a lot of this is just time and learning to think outside of the toxic relationship.

I don’t want my ex to take this from me, and I don’t want to reject a perfectly wonderful man because I’m scared he’ll be someone he has clearly shown me he isn’t. I’ve told him about my relationship and where I’m at and he has been nothing but kind and understanding.

How do you learn to trust again and fight those trained expectations?

I’m already thinking I’ll go back to therapy, so I’m looking for practical advice.