I had my consultation yesterday for TMS for my anxiety and depression. I knew this would happen eventually and my mom would end up hearing what my bad ex did to me, but I was also hoping she would never need to know. I am not embarrassed, or hiding what happened. I have talked about what he had done with my close friends, therapist, still working on it further with my trauma therapist.

Anyways doc asks for my medical/ trauma history, and then he asks specifically if I was ever sexually assaulted. Mom pipes up that I have not. I have to stop her and say yes that is true for my childhood, but when I was with my bad ex things happened. Doc wanted me to be more specific, so I say that I was sleeping and he keep trying to have oral sex with me, and I was pushing him away and saying no, and he didn’t stop. The second time I was awake and had clearly said no, kept saying no to sex because I was in so much pain vaginally due to a my copper iud I had at the time and constant gushing periods. Regardless he did not care and wanted to have sex, I finally caved and said yes. It wasn’t until I was crying and in tears from the pain would he stop. Doc moves on with the rest of my medical history, and the consultation went well.

Now I know my mom and it is only a matter of time before she brings this up. Surprisingly she waited almost 3 hours to bring it up, and ask when are we going to talk about this. I turn to my mom who is driving and I tell her, never. I have no need to talk about this with you, talking about it with you will not help me in any way, it would solely be for you. To which my mom is quiet and then agrees.

And then asks, what if we bring it up in family therapy? No, the last thing I want to do is talk about it with both my mom and sister. She says we will have my sister leave the room so it is just her and the therapist. Had to take a deep breath and vent text my best friend about this. I continue to tell my mom no. I am working through MY trauma how I do best, with having my friends and going to therapy and trauma therapy process to better move past it. She finally stopped trying to push the subject, but I have a feeling she will try to bring it up again at our upcoming family therapy session. Time will tell