*Trigger Warning - Miscarriage*

After 12 months of waiting to be healed from my c-section and 9 months of trying for baby #2, I got that positive HCG. My levels were low but doubling every 2 days. I went in for my early ultrasound and...nothing. There was a yolk sac but no baby. I got a 2nd ultrasound a few days later to confirm and yup, nothing. I was told that I could wait to miscarry on my own in 1 to 3 weeks but my son's 2nd birthday is coming up and my mother-in-law is coming in from out of state. I just wanted it to be over quickly so that we could try again. I took the meds to end the false pregnancy and the pain began. It was definitely more painful than labor because I didn't have a baby at the end. I just finished 10 days of bleeding and I won't get to try again for at least another 6 weeks (my period has to come and go). I hate this more than words can say. I feel cheated. I'm sad and angry but most of all I feel tired - tired of trying. As silly as it sounds, it's exhausting to take medication to induce ovulation, it's exhausting to pee in a cup for days waiting for that damn smiling face, and it's excruciating to spend 2 weeks a month waiting for good news or bad news. My heart can't take it. I know that when I do finally get baby #2 all of this pain will be worth it but right now it all feels like too much.