I’m twenty years old and I’ve been through a lot. A hard home life and my last boyfriend (three years ago) sexually abused me and raped me. It’s took me a while to come out of my shell and really discover myself but now that I have it’s really strange. I find myself attracted to older men in the high twenty and early thirty age range. Guys my age are just so wild and idk cocky and don’t really pay any attention to me. I’ve known for a while about bdsm and bondage. Most of my life I turned my head and just couldn’t see myself in that situation, but now… I think I’d enjoy bondage. I haven’t had sex since my last boyfriend raped me but I think if I got close enough to a guy in a relationship, and I trusted him, I would want to try bondage. I recently watched fifty shades of grey and I had been wanting to watch it for years, and I found myself thinking I wanted to try that. Idk maybe it’s weird, it’s still something new to me and I know I wouldn’t like everything in bdsm but some of it I think I would. No one knows about this side of me. I’m very curious and think it would be fun to try. Part of me wonders of this new desire has anything to do with my sexual abuse. I have healed most of those wounds, not fully but mostly. My only fear would be that I would try bondage and it would trigger me and I would become afraid. It seems like everyone I’m interested in always vanishes once they find out I’ve been sexually abused. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to tell people. Idk at this point this post is just a rant but I guess that’s what it’s here for. Sorry I know this was kind of a little messy, I just had to get this out. I haven’t told anyone about this new found desire so I had to vent. Thanks for reading.