Am I being dramatic?

Question

My partner works 12 hour shifts so it makes it hard for us to spend time together. As soon as he gets home, he goes to sleep until it’s time for him to get back up for work. I know he needs his sleep so I try not to say anything most days but sometimes I just really miss him and wish we could talk more. I don’t even get to spend an hour with him a day just talking and having quality time, I’m lucky if I get 30 minutes. Well I’m pregnant and I’ve been feeling super lonely and wondered is this how it’s always going to be? Not even getting to spend time with my partner…will he have time to spend with the baby? So I told him this morning when he got back from work if we could talk for maybe 10 minutes before he went to sleep, he said yes. He woke up maybe an hour earlier than usual today so I was excited to spend time together but the whole time he spent in the restroom or on his phone. We even ate lunch in silence because he would rather be on his phone…Which I know he doesn’t get to do often because he works a lot but it really gets to me because I just feel so lonely. So I left the kitchen and went to lay in bed and he said “Why did you leave” I said “We aren’t talking or anything I’d rather just lay down” and he told me he already talked to me this morning so he thought we were good on that part. I was like really? So you talk to me for 10-15 minutes and think you don’t have to talk to me for the rest of the day or what

Answer

This is tough. I was in the same exact situation. My fiancé was working 11-13 hour shifts when he started his new job. We spent no time together. He would come to see me for only 5-10 minutes and expected me to be happy about that. Even on his days off, he did not spend them with me. He spent that time doing things that he has missed out on due to work, like spending time with his friends or going out to play soccer. I felt extremely neglected and unloved. But I realized that he really did need that time for himself. His mental health was suffering because he had absolutely no time to himself so when he did, he spent it how he wanted too. I told him how I felt and he said he was trying his best to balance everything in his life. It was a very hard situation. Eventually he got a change of schedule and had more time to spend with me. We moved in together and now things are much better. I want to say that it did take a year for things to change so it was a long process but it worked out. Only thing that kept me sane was telling myself that he really did need that time to just do whatever he wanted, for his own mental sake, and also telling myself that he was trying his best to manage things. Good luck xx

Answer

How often does he work 12 hour shifts and what hours are they/ is it physical work? It really doesn't seem like a health existence for either of you.... I def see your point but he seems to lack quality of life as well... does he like his job?

Answer

Sounds like he’s tired and stressed. He needs to find work life balance. What days is he off? You two need to discuss it then.

Answer

I'd leave him. If he can't be bothered to put time and effort into your relationship now, he definitely won't change once the baby arrives. It's better to be a single mom than raise a child with a man who will make them feel unwanted. If you truly think you can salvage the relationship then I would suggest couples therapy, but he had to make an effort, otherwise what is he bringing to the relationship other than stress and more house work for you?

Am I being dramatic?

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