Am I wrong?

Question

The other night my fiancée confessed to me that he had lied to me about his virginity when we first met and he indeed have sex before me. He said he was scared I would judge him… he also said he didn’t count it because of how quick it was… but I can’t get over the fact that he lied to me. It makes me wonder what else he has lied about. We’ve been together for 3 years almost 4 and have 1 boy and another on the way and I feel like this isn’t something that you lie about and finally confess after so much together. I wouldn’t of cared then and it’s not about his virginity, it’s about the length of time he kept such a lie.. and it also upsets me that I never lied to him about my past. I feel so wrong for being upset about it but at the same time I feel as if it was really wrong of him to keep such a lie for so long. I’m started to not be able to trust anything he says or does.. am I wrong for feeling like this? I don’t know what to do 😩 I feel like it’s so stupid too but at the same time it hurt my feelings a lot.
Let me add for those who’ve already commented: I’m not upset about him having sex with another person. That I could care less about. I’m upset that he told me he was a virgin when we first met and then continued the lie for so long. ** It’s all about the lying, not really what he lied about. ** and I never said I wanted to break off my relationship, I just don’t know what to do with my feelings.

Answer

To me it sounds like you are clearly overreacting and making an elephant out of a fly. This is really not that deep and to question your whole relationship because of a little white lie seems excessive to say the least.

Answer

Honestly I would feel some kind of way. Not because he indeed lose his virginity before meeting you but because he lied. Im all about honesty is policy, communication is key and trust. If dh did something like that I would be upset and not because of his past because thats before me but now I question everything he's ever told me. Just have a conversation with him and tell him from now on thing like that can't happen. If this relationship is going to work you have to be 100% with everything.

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It’s his past. Not a big deal.

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I feel like I’d be the same way. Honestly why lie and in my opinion even a “little white lie” is a huge lie. I feel like if you can’t be honest then what’s the point. I worry about in the time y’all have been together is there anything else he’d lie about?? I know that the trust will have to rebuild itself but it’s going to take time and you’ll question everything for a bit, but if he loves you he’ll understand where your coming from. I feel like it takes two to tango and even when one person in the relationship makes a poor decision it takes both of you to rebuild and move past. That’s how I look at it

Answer

I think this is an overreaction. He lies once, about something you claim you don’t even care about and really doesn’t even matter, and explains why he lied and you feel like you can’t trust anything he says anymore? That’s a bit too far.

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Not wrong. It'll take time to work on trust. I suggest couples counseling.

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Hmmm I mean I’d feel some type of way but something tells me a lot of pressure was put on being virgins that he was afraid to say something. Not an excuse, he should have been honest.

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You either get over it or break up over something so trivial.

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You have the right to be upset. It's gonna take time to work on the trust part. At the same time y'all are grown and it's ok if he had sex with someone else. Everyone has a past. Maybe you should just let it go. There are better things to focus on.

Answer

I would be upset too. If he had just told you the truth you probably would have been more careful with protection and making sure he got an STD test right? His lie could have gotten you sick. Yes it’s his past and it’s ok he’s had sex before, but you also deserve to know before you guys became intimate.

Am I wrong?

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