I was watching a show on Sunday that had a gay character and my husband made some comments. Something homophobic. I told him not to talk like that around me and he kept asking me if I’m gay. I didn’t feel comfortable asking.

I am bisexual. I’ve never felt comfortable to share that with my husband because his use of derogatory words against the gay community. It turned into a very big argument of him asking me why I won’t just tell him if I’m gay. I told him to leave me alone and he finally did.

Two nights ago he took a pill that helps him with sex and he was drinking. I had wine but nothing serious, I was just relaxing. He came to me very aggressive and started pulling down my shorts and forcing his hands in me and I kept telling him to stop. It got so aggressive that he was trying to force sex, held me down and kept trying to have sex with me while I kept fighting and telling him to stop. This isn’t his first time being sexually abusive. It’s happened a lot more than I’d like to admit. He acted like nothing really happened and sent an apology text and said he’s just been really horny.

Today, I found out that he hid my vibrators and I’m honesty weirded out. I had one in my dresser drawer and when I went into it to pack some stuff up and saw it was missing. I checked the location of the other and it was missing too. It gave me a really unsettling feeling. Like he wants to remove all options aside from him.

I’m feeling very uncomfortable in my home and starting to feel like he’s changing into something even worse. I’ve sought therapy for the prior sexual abuse but the therapist wasn’t helpful. He convinced me to work it out. My husband has obliterated any boundaries I have and I’m at the point where I feel like divorce may be necessary to feel like I have control of my life and body again.

I’ve lost sight of what normal boundaries look like. He’s gone through my phone, journals, listened to phone calls, touches and grabs me constantly without consent, forces affection and sex. I’ve hated this for so long and idk why I’m struggling to get out of it.

If you made it this far thank you for reading.