Severe Postpartum Depression Rant

Hey mamas, I just got my phone shut off. My bank is calling me. I have no money. I feel like a failure as a mother. I am not asking for anything and will not take handouts from people. I just need an ear. I have Severe postpartum depression and anxiety. Ive been trying to get help for a long time but my doctor keeps refusing meds because i have a previous misdiagnosis of bipolar. Ive been unmedicated for 5 months of feeling this way without any help. I am so fed up. Ive been reffered to free therapy and i was basically dropped because im "too complex" for their training and was told to find a private psychologist and pay for it out of pocket...except i cant afford that. How is this how our healthcare system handles mental health? This is why suicide rates are so high. Im on maternity leave and i have to basically choose between paying my bills and feeding myself and my family. We do not have wic in canada and im already on government support but its not nearly enough for my bills and for groceries. How can the government be so cruel with this inflation but not be willing to increase maternity pay/ financial aid? Im struggling so hard and i feel like im failing my family. I already live in clothes that dont fit because my kid needs clothes. I give my child everything he needs but then im left with nothing. Cant even pay my bills. Im feeling really depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I would never harm myself or my child. I would never leave my son without his mom. But this is hard. My husband makes decent money so i dont qualify for food stamps or anything but after my husband pays his bills and the mortgage he has nothing left to help me out.