Background I guess: I am about 8 months postpartum. I have three kids under the age of 4. Am currently a stay at home mom with all 3 of them due to the fact we can't quite afford daycare

I don't want to kill myself. I have looked up so many resources online and all they linked to is suicide hotlines and that is not the issue for me.

I just have intrusive thoughts about banging my head against the wall and cutting my arms up because I feel it would give me some sort of relief. I do have a past of self-harming in my teenage years but when I became a mom I decided I wouldn't do that again and I just don't know how to deal with these feelings. I used to act on them and cut myself but now I'm a mom and I know that I can't and I have to be strong for my kids.

But everyday just feels like the same I feel like I'm putting out little fires constantly all day everyday and I go to bed and have constant thoughts and anxieties about my children. And how I am failing them. The what ifs and the worries and I can't freaking stop it even if my children are sleeping and I'm up till 2:00 a.m. with these non-stop thoughts antagonizing me.

Just tell me I'm not alone has anyone else experienced this how did you guys cope?

I have no family members who are willing to help and feel so alone.

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