Breast cancer/ breastfeeding

Ka

I had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction last Spring (plus treatment) for breast cancer. I have no nipples and no feeling in my chest. I'm otherwise mostly healthy. This is my 3rd baby and I breastfed my other two for extended times (2-3 years.) Fed is best, not just breast. I know this and understand this logically. I just find myself feeling more and more depressed about not being able to nurse this baby though. I worry about not bonding as well mostly. I know what I'm going to be missing out on as well as baby girl. I can't seem to make the mind to heart connection that formula is still ok and am just so upset that I don't have the option to breastfeed this time. I'm grateful to be alive and even more so to be gifted this baby. I know in my heart that I'm a survivor and that this baby will be just fine, but I'm also so angry at the situation and mad that life isn't fair and indescribably sad. Idk what to do.