Edit- the purpose of the rules is because my mom has been emotionally abusive to me in the past and my anxiety levels spike up when she’s around, I don’t want her near my newborn baby when I’ll be so vulnerable. This is also my first baby and I don’t want my anxiety or stress to interfere with my efforts in breastfeeding successfully, since my doctor told me that our stress levels can effect milk production

I told my mom I don’t want visitors in the first two weeks after my baby is born, and that it could be longer than that, it depends how I feel. If we need help sooner than that, we’ll invite her or my MIL over (they’re somewhat local but I seriously doubt I'll ask them to come early). My brother lives across the country, and he asked when he should fly in to see the baby. I told him the earliest is 3 weeks after my due date, knowing I could deliver late, and I said we’re doing 100% outdoor visits only in the first 2 months, so if he wants to have a longer or indoor visit he should come after that window. He hasn’t told me when he’s coming yet.

When I talked to my mom a few days ago, she said my brother booked his flight for a date that is earlier than I told him to book. My mom is slightly insane and I didn’t want to get into the ‘visitor’ conversation again because it's a very stressful conversation for me to have (when we talked about it that first time, she was clearly upset about it but said she'd respect whatever I need to do). So I didn’t say anything, because I figured I already told my brother when I would welcome him for a visit, and that should be between him and me since we’re both adults. I checked with him later that day, and he actually hadn’t booked anything or decided on dates yet. So my mom made it up.

Then today, my mom brought up again that she will (not even a question, just that she WILL) visit me on her birthday, with my brother, which is 2 weeks exactly from my due date. I figured well I did tell her 2 weeks so technically I should be ok with that. But now I have to worry about if my baby comes late and they have this visit planned, which I don’t want to deal with. I told her I might need longer than 2 weeks, though, so it doesn’t make sense that she’s already making these plans unless she’s just testing my boundaries.

I’m wondering if I need to bring this up again with her, the fact that I don’t want visitors in the first 2 weeks and possibly longer? I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive about this or if she’s trying to bring it up more and more to try and push my boundaries. The truth is that I may not want visitors for even longer than 2 weeks, bc of how much stress and anxiety my mom brings with her, and I should have the right to deny visitors for as long as I need. I trust my brother to not try and visit before the date I told him, but I could totally see my mom convincing him to come earlier to celebrate her bday with him. Is it time to adopt the mantra that this is no longer my problem? Meaning, I told her and my brother my boundaries, and if they choose to ignore them, I’ll just have to deny their visits if they try to come too soon? I really don’t want to deal with this postpartum, but if she keeps ‘forgetting’ the rules I’ve told her, I just don’t know if another conversation about visitors will be effective.

Or should I send everyone something in writing, a text or email, with my ‘rules’, and then leave it alone? It would just say we’re planning on 2 weeks alone and may need more time than that, outdoor visits only for 2 months, and maybe some other stuff like TDaP vaccine requirements and mask while holding the baby.