I feel so alone

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling distraught like completely on the verge of a breakdown. I’ve called it quits with my long term best friend/fiancé of 7years (got engaged in 2019) I ended it because he wasn’t treating me right, I kept being pushed aside, he wasn’t commuting to me and insisted that we need to work on ourselves first but instead it was just a ploy to delay the wedding day commitment and he was indirectly wanting me to prove myself that I still love him. He had it in his head that I have this barrier up. The barrier that he may be referring to is I don’t trust him because he talks the talk but not enough to cause action. Back in January this year we agreed to get married in May of this year. We book the dates and everything was set, he then went against it and rejected me because he didn’t believe that I truly loved him and I had this barrier up. Since then I gave him over 6 months doing everything his way and he still not committed to a date to be married. I don’t trust him because he has not once thought about me or considered my feelings in any of this. Constantly he manipulated the situation where everything else was a priority but I was never made a priority even though verbally he’d say but you know the saying actions speak louder than words. His family I’m deeply disappointed at; like him they say the right things but don’t take accountability or responsibility of anything. All I get is I spoke to him and that’s about it.

So I said it’s over, at the end of May and ever since he’s tried to persuade me to give him another chance when all I’ve been doing is that this past year. I kept saying if he doesn’t commit I’m leaving but more fool me for wasting my time.

I’m coming to you because I know I’ve done the right thing but it’s killing me. I’m honestly not a bad person I’ve done nothing but be a wife to him from a distance without actually being a wife and I’m devastated that he didn’t value me like he should have.

I’m struggling to keep it together, I’m afraid that I won’t find anyone else, that I won’t be able to reach a level of comfort that I do with him and that because we both been through so much, he knows how to manipulate the situation and get me to give in. I don’t want to go back but I feel so alone. What do I do?