I had an abortion

I want to start by saying whether you are pro-life or pro-choice please don’t tell me what I should’ve or could’ve done. Everything is already said and done. I did something that I regret everyday because I felt like I wasn’t supported by my family and I was scared. My mom told me I was a disappointment when I told her I was pregnant, and that weighed heavily on my decision. She apologized but I knew it wasn’t sincere. I wish she would have told me some of the positive things that could happen instead of telling me everything negative that could happen. Ever since that day, I have fought the urge to give up on life. I feel like my life is a burden on me. It's hard to wake up everyday and do life because I am in so much pain. While going through my grieving stage, I have managed to push my boyfriend away because I don’t know how to talk to him about my feelings. I say mean things to him that I really don’t mean because I’m angry with myself and he’s fed up, I know I have work to do and I don’t expect him to forgive me overnight. I wanted to do an IOP at a hospital near me, but I can't afford to miss work. I have been trying to get out the house and do things to get my mind off this negativity but everyone was busy this weekend. I'm not dependent of people by any means, but it helps to be around my friends and/or loved ones so I'm not at home overthinking what I'm thinking now. I don't want to tell my friends or family how bad my depression is and how sometimes I think of how I could just end it. I don't always want to be the depressed negative friend so I just hold it in. I have people in my corner yet I feel so so alone. Anyways, just needing to hear some words of encouragement. Thank you in advance.