I'm going through with adoption.

I don't think I would have to worry about anyone finding out about it.

He seriously showed up out of nowhere. Like who does that!? No contact for weeks and months and he couldn't even tell me how he feels to my face. How was he telling someone else about how he feels and not tell the person he has feelings for!?! And wondering why I don't believe him.

I really thought he was different.

But he's just a different type of Disappointment.

He broke my Trust with his stupid penis.

And why show up at my door expecting I was like waiting for him? I didn't think they would let him come in after I slammed the door in his face.

Haven't even seen him in like a year?

I can just ignore him since he doesn't go to my school anymore and no one I know really knows him, I don't think? Not like we were Together.

We only have like one mutual friend ..

I don't know why he would Ghost me to start acting so lame?

I swear it's starting to feel like hate him SO freaking much. I can't stop crying and I feel so sick.

His stupid lips and stupid mouth is why this happened anyway.

Omg. Why did he kiss me, why did I like his kiss.

He really knows what he's doing with his mouth.

But not his brain why would he be Stupid enough to NOT use a condom. I told him No. I told him he wouldn't be able to Handle it and he didn't take me seriously as if I Don't know myself?

Now I'm literally pregnant after I still told him NO.

It feels like I was Stabbed in my heart and Idk why it Hurts like this.

What makes him think he can just leave, never say anything or say goodbye? Not even call, text, or email?

But he shows up like he thinks my heart is between my thighs. Boy really bumped his head if he thought I would ever be Easy.

He's always said he doesn't want kids either and I thought by now he Understands that means I'm seriously not having sex. There was nothing wrong if I still wait until I get married. I wanted to be Special .. NO ..

But I really don't know how long I can hide this pregnancy? And I have been freaking out ever since I saw&felt there was his cum dripping down my thighs and I don't remember feeling anything. As crazy as it sounds I knew right then I was pregnant.

They kept asking if I'm okay at school, saying I don't look like myself. It's been 3 weeks since I was supposed to get my period and it still didn't come last month. I was so scared when my homegirls said I have the sure symptoms of pregnancy. And they would know since they already have had babies. They really got a test for me to be sure and I never saw anything that fast before, the lines appeared so dark in THREE SECONDS!? It said to wait three minutes.

They kept asking who is "my BabyDaddy". Omg I HATE that term.

I don't want to be anybody's "BabyMama" ..

I don't want to have kids RightNow. I don't want to be a single mom. I can't take care of a baby by myself.

Babysitting is NOT Parenting.

And what if nobody believes I said No?

I feel like everyone is going to Hate me.

My friends for me trying to Protect them from stupid fxxck boys and now I'm the one who is pregnant.

Especially when I haven't been sexually active with the guy who I finally decided to give a chance at dating .. I Ghosted him because probably thinks I'm a slut ..

My mom is going to think I'm so stupid for getting pregnant in Highschool I got so far.

Or what if she kicks me out and doesn't believe me if I tell her the Truth about what happened. I've tried to throw hints.

I know She wasn't happy with me for "ComingOut" and I told her basically I might be a lesbian at 12. She's really going to think I'm in some kind of crazy mental break phase. I have been doing so good, finally I didn't even feel depressed. Now this !?

I'm just Learning how to get myself "Together" and I don't have plans for a baby. I will do adoption. I can't even imagine any other options. I don't even have my own place.

This is my senior year. I'm only 17.

How did I let this happen?