Was I too harsh?

Question

We have a six and a half year old who we are trying to teach to be more grateful and less rude.
Today we went out as a family to the mall and shopped and got ice cream. We all had a lot of fun. Our oldest picked out a new book. 
Our 6 year old was upset as we didn't have time for the mall playground as our youngest (1) was tired and wanted a nap. So we told her we would play at home and that we had to head home.
She got very upset and proceeded to start complaining that "we should've stayed home", "playing at home is boring", "I didn't have any fun", "I'll never have fun again."
My husband and I then pretended to return her new book and headed home, where she whined all the way home because we "returned" it.
We didn't return it but hid it so we could give it to her another time but I don't feel she deserves it right now after whining because she couldn't do one thing that she wanted after spending the afternoon doing things she wanted to do (get ice cream; etc).

Accepted Answer

I mean I don’t think you were too harsh but I’d be cautious about being dishonest with your kids. She will later find out you didn’t return it, and in fact you lied. You don’t want to model dishonestly. But the discipline itself was fine.

Answer

I wouldn’t have lied about returning it. I don’t think lying is ever the right course of action with something like this. But I would’ve been very clear that because she wasn’t behaving she wasn’t going to get her book for a while. And then I would’ve put it away when we got home and given her a path to earn it back.

Answer

She was expressing herself and you punished her for being honest and telling you her feelings. Instead of opening a dialogue about how you can make home more fun and different, you punished her. 🤷‍♀️ Most of the time, it’s about engaging and interacting with you, not having toys and stuff that they can play with, but activities one on one.

Answer

Don’t ask strangers opinions. I think what you did was fine. But someone always disagrees. There’s no perfect parent. 👍

Answer

Whoever voted yeah is just ridiculous lmao. No that was not even close to too harsh. It’s fine. Getting new toys or books is for good behavior not bad behavior.

Answer

It’s not harsh but don’t lie tell her straight “listen, if this is how you’re going to behave then you won’t be getting this book at this point, I know you’re only trying to tell me how you feel but (explain why her behavior isn’t good) good behavior is the only behavior we’ll be rewarding.”

Answer

Not harsh but I wouldn’t have lied. I would have just been honest with her punishment and said because of her behavior she can’t use book.

Answer

I would have done the same thing. She can be upset, but she can’t act rude because of it.

Answer

Honestly, that sounds like typical kid behavior to me. I have a four year old son who says he doesn’t like me or whatever the object is when he gets mad. He doesn’t dislike me or the object in actuality. He’s just trying to let me know he doesn’t like what is going on at the moment. I would have stuck with leaving as you said and let her throw a fit in private. Five minutes later, she probably would have forgotten about the playground. 
Consistency is what kids need, not parents lying to them. What are you going to tell her when you give it back? “We lied, here’s your book.” Or, are you going to say you got her another? In which case your lying AGAIN. Don’t lie to your child….just don’t.

Answer

I wouldn’t have lied, I would have just taken the book away and told her if she wants to be ungrateful she doesn’t get her new book until her attitude changes. I don’t think you were too harsh though. When I was acting ungrateful and whining about not getting something (after a whole day of getting a bunch of things I should have been grateful for, might I add) my parents taught me how to appreciate what I did have. They took and boxed up all my toys, the ones I said were boring and I didn’t like anymore. I had nothing but a bed and dresser in my room on multiple occasions. I learned to appreciate what I had and that the world didn’t revolve around me. Through good behavior and showing appreciation I slowly got my things back. 
You can still talk to her about what she can do to make home more fun without allowing her to tantrum and whine like this all the time. She’s old enough to have a grasp on her feelings and doesn’t need her hand held through everything.

Was I too harsh?

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