I’m almost at the 8 months pp marker and I’m still struggling with adjusting to motherhood. I have more bad days than good, I’m constantly stressed, overwhelmed, and easily irritated. I cry so much and feel like I want to just stop existing. I feel no fulfillment and like I’m just barely surviving. My relationship with my husband feels cold and disconnected, and I often times feel like leaving. My husband helps change, feed, and bathe our son, but other than that he doesn’t pay him attention nor plays with him hardly. He wants to just sit around all day inside either on his phone or watching tv. He never suggests any activities to do together as a family. If we do go out, I have to worry about him road raging with our son in the car. And if I say anything he yells at me and acts pissed. I’ve talked to him many times and nothing changes. He told me last time that he will show me he will change, but I’ve yet to see it… it’s right back the way it was. I don’t even want to be alive anymore. I hate having to deal with all of this. Motherhood is hard and unfulfilling and my marriage is dying. My will to keep going is even being snuffed out. I want to love being a mom and I want things to work out, but I’m at a loss on what to do now. I can’t afford therapy and medicine messes me up even more. I’m fucking drowning and I just want it all to go away!