I’m happy my dad died and I feel guilty about it

I am the oldest of 3 girls and my dad always hated me. I would get bullied, hit, thrown stuff at; verbally abused every single day from the ages 5 to 15, when my middle sister was born.

He would never do anything in front of my mom so of course she had no idea.

One day, I told her everything and my dad overheard and denied everything and my mom believed him.

When I was 15 he left us to move across the country and I seeked therapy for healing. Even almost 15 years later I stilk have ptsd.

I met my now husband during that time and he helped me a lot but the thing is he was very very close with his dad and he passed away when he was 14.

We have been together since then and he knows all about how abusive my dad has been towards me but in october 2020 (when i was 27) my dad died, ive felt such a releif when i found out because i knew i could put this chapter behind me finally and begin to heal for real…but i found out some studf recently and he left everything he had to me, over 5.8 millions. he said in his will that this was his way to apologize for everything and make up for it.

i have been keeping those feelings because a part of my feels guilty for hating my dad so much but at least i had a dad but my husband lost his and it always made me feel weird, my husband understands and is 100% supportive but at the same time i feel like an asshole but my dad has just hurt me so much and i feel like him leaving all this money to me is a very cheap thing to do.

i dont even want to keep the money tbh because it comes from him and i would have liked a real apology while he was alive…

i dont know what to do