How to be okay with being alone ?

Question

Hello ladies . I need advice .I just stopped dating someone. He was not officially my boyfriend and we were not dating for that long so I’m not too hurt about him , but I guess I’m just thinking of what could have been. He also did the bare minimum, if I told you guys some of the arguments we were having so early you would tell me that you were glad I left him. We had so many dates and trips and everything planned out , I was really excited that I finally had someone to experience those corny couples things with. 
After doing some thinking , I realized that I Have major attachment / abandonment issues and I hate being alone . I am not happy with myself so I look for love in other people . How do you guys deal with being alone , or being single and happy?
*posted in two groups for more feedback* 💓

Answer

I had my heart broken so b badly about 10 years ago and realized I had the same problem. I spent a few years intentionally single, essentially dating myself. I explored different hobbies and places on my own, learned new things by myself and did a lot of healing and inner work. After a while, I finally started to feel confident and happy being alone. The next partner that came into my life I wanted to be an enhancement to my already happy life with myself. It took some trial and error, but eventually I met my husband who appreciates my independence and self awareness.

Answer

Because you’re looking at it as the glass is half empty rather than the glass is half full. Rather than thinking I’m so lonely I’m so blue etc. it’s I’ve been given the opportunity to have the time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do in life. You can do anything by yourself, you can go to the movies, you can go out to dinner, etc. being in a relationship, having a man, doesn’t complete you, you complete yourself. The only one that limits you is your self, happiness is outside your comfort zone. Keep yourself busy, if you’re really that lonely get a pet, they’re usually more loyal. Volunteering is like a makeover for the soul, it changes your perspective on life, it makes your problems not seem so big, it makes you focus on other things rather than yourself, it makes you appreciate life, and makes you grateful that you don’t have to deal with what they have to deal with, and so much more. Reading to the blind, Habitat for Humanity for people who’ve lost their homes, feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen, and if people aren’t your thing what about pet rescue. Getting another job, learning a language, traveling, going back to school, pottery, painting, doing all the things you’ve always wanted to do. Enjoy the privacy, be OK with the silence, if you truly need some noise put on the TV, catch up on all the movies, when you’re in a relationship you have to put the other person first, what they want to watch, what your kids want to watch, Instead enjoy it, I get to watch whatever I want, I don’t have anyone snoring next to me or sleep apnea keeping me awake, I don’t have to cater to other people I can get whatever I want to eat without having to feed other people, your bill is a lot cheaper right. When I get home at night I can do what I want, I can exercise, I can feed myself, I don’t have to feed all kinds of people and clean up after them or yell at somebody who doesn’t put the toilet seat down or can’t put their clothes in the hamper etc.. Value your time alone, exercise that’s another great way to cope, exercise releases hormones that make you feel better, endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, they are natural anti-depressants, same thing with listening to your favorite dance music getting up and dancing same hormones are released, it’s also in escape from reality, and I haven’t heard this song since middle school, It’s OK to be alone. Change your perspective, if you don’t feel safe, tell somebody where you’re going to be, share your location, spend time with friends and family, get a pet, carry pepper spray, take a self-defense class, getting a home alarm system, do what makes you feel comfortable and safe. You are better off alone than in bad company that doesn’t appreciate you, deserve you, or respect you. It’s better to be alone than in an abusive relationship, with somebody who’s controlling or narcissistic or passive aggressive, constantly fighting and arguing, or cheating on you, having to think about whether they are cheating on you with somebody on the Internet or somebody at work or lying to you or saving women’s phone numbers as men’s numbers etc. There’s so many things you don’t have to worry about when you’re single. Cherish that time, take the time to heal if you have trust issues and baggage, work on yourself inside and out, whatever you don’t like about yourself, work on it. Life is what you make it, if you’re not happy you’ve changed what you can, and what you can’t change, you learn to love, accept, and embrace yourself, flaws and all. No one is perfect, enjoy life. ￼ change the perspective. It’s not I’m sad and lonely and alone etc., it’s I’ve been given the opportunity to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do in life. We always say we don’t have time to do things, well now you do. Read books, you don’t get that time when you have a baby in a newborn, pamper yourself, love yourself, date yourself, get to know who you are, figure out your purpose here in life and do it on purpose. Serving others, giving back to your community, bettering your life, etc. check out Groupon they have everything, hot air balloon rides, zip lining, bungee jumping, whatever your heart desires. You can go to a concert alone, you can do anything alone. Just take it one day at a time, we all have a good days and bad, love yourself take care of yourself, and enjoy your life. But if that doesn’t work for you, then therapy and medication. Good luck

How to be okay with being alone ?

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