Hi guys, I am 23. Live with parents. Had an abortion in April. Now 5 weeks pregnant again. I told the father I didn’t want to go through another abortion as it messed me up mentally- I prayed for a positive pregnancy test so badly this time even though I didn’t think that I would have to get another abortion. He told me I was living a fantasy where we would be together with a baby right now when he doesn’t want one right now whatsoever. He’s shown his true colors and calls and yells and sends voice messages of how it’ll ruin his career in acting and how I am selfish to ruin this kids life and his life based on emotions and not logic. How we won’t be together and I’m forcing him to be a father. When he doesn’t want it and won’t not be in the kids life if I have it. He said there’s no possibility he won’t be there cuz his dad wasn’t there. I know if I go through that again on top of my depression and R*pe trauma in past and suicidal thoughts that I won’t be able to be okay if I have another one I don’t know what I would do. I have bad thoughts when I think about anything after another abortion. I feel like if I have it I must do medical so I can suffer and see the baby bleed out as a punishment. But do I really want to be stuck with him and share custody and coparent and be his baby mother when I know I’ll always love him and hurt when he has a family of his own. He’s had 5 other abortions before me. And he just belittles when he speaks to me. I know I have no choice but to abort but I just can’t bring myself to forgive myself or him and can’t do it. I know I have to. I just need support. I can’t talk to my mother because she would 100% push an abortion and I can’t have both of them attacking me like that. I wish a psychic could just tell me what I decide in the future and go from there.