TW!!!! Anorexia and pregnancy

TW!!! I’m not entirely sure what group to post this in, but I’ve been struggling with anorexia nervosa for over a year now. I haven’t been to a doctor or therapist about it because I liked how I looked and so did other people. I had went from 136 lbs to 97 lbs in 1 1/2 months and have floated between 97 lbs and 105 lbs that whole time. I had started going to the gym which had gotten to float between 104 and 108.

Well recently I found out I was pregnant (6 weeks 4 days today) and I knew I had to gain weight and hopefully get rid of my Ed. I haven’t weighed myself since getting pregnant which I’m proud of, but I also have no idea if I’m even gaining weight. I was doing really good eating (at least I think I was) and was even able to see the growth on my body. Well a few days ago I went thru a big relapse because I had eaten an extra portion during lunch and had a brownie afterwards. A couple days after my relapse I realized what I was doing and told myself I HAD to eat more for this baby and that this wasn’t about ME anymore. The day I realized this tho- my morning sickness kicked in. I’m not actually puking yet thankfully, but for the most part even the idea of eating something makes me want to throw up. I have my first appointment next Friday when I’ll be 8 weeks on the dot. I’m honestly scared to even bring up this up to my ob and that I’ll be called a liar or an awful mom for doing this to the baby.😔