Disrespectful MIL. What would you do?

Question

I vented here a lot about MIL. She likes to compare my parenting and give unsolicited advice A LOT. I told to my husband 10 months ago that I don’t wanna see her anytime soon. In short, that’s how bad I really don’t wanna see her and be around here. Well, guess what? She message my husband today saying she is in the airport to fly to us without notice. She’s been calling my husband for few days and my husband was just so busy to chat. I stopped my communication with her 6 months ago just because I need no negativity while raising my son. She will be here for 10days and I don’t know how to interact with her. I texted my sister in law that she was close with and MIL told her that “I really wanted her to come here so bad” which we are all wondering where it came from.

Answer

I’m not clear on why your husband just tell her you guys aren’t available. Who the fuck makes plans without coordinating with the other party? Who invites themselves over? You need to set boundaries. If it hurts her feelings, tough cookies. Your house, your rules 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

If my MIL ever showed up at our door, I’d simply lock it and not let her in. Toxic people don’t have a right to be in your life. It doesn’t matter who they are.

Answer

Why is every woman always hating their mother on law but never speaking to their mother in law respectfully about boundaries? Instead you just stay silent and hope your husband will voice your concerns. You can talk to them respectfully to ensure it doesn't cause a fight. Speak up, use your voice. If your husband gets pissed, tell him you wanted to vuild a stronger relationship with his mom and her doing the things you don't want her to do, won't help with that. I'm sure he isn't communicating it because it's not bothering him and he doesn't want to be a middle man.

Answer

Keep your doors locked and tell her to get a hotel 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t deal with that nonsense. If she can’t even let you guys know she’s coming, I hope she’s prepared to not be staying with you. Have your husband tell her she needs to find arrangements for a place to stay because you don’t have the room, and want privacy. I would personally give her a call and inform her of this as well so that she knows you and your husband are on the same page 😊

Answer

Well I’d tell her to get a hotel. I definitely wouldn’t let her stay in my house when she can’t respect you enough to ask to visit or wait to be invited. 
If your husband won’t handle the issues with her, you’re going to have to. In our house, I deal with my parents and he deals with his. If his parents don’t comply, I handle them. The last time that happened, I didn’t see them for a month which was nice. 
Cutting off contact for unsolicited advice seems a bit extreme to me, but I don’t have to deal with her. There are other ways to handle unsolicited advice. Maybe while she’s visiting, yal sit her down and have a very serious conversation with her about the issues.

Answer

Id either do a or b…
A. If just suck it up because she lives put of town  and take her “correcting” my prenting in strides focusing on the fact that since she doesnt live around us i could let it go.
B. Just address her. If use the sandwich method first to see how she corrects her behavior. Meaning…. Say something nice then direct then nice again. Like “I appreciate your concern… but it makes me feel you undermine my prenting…. I know u love us but id appreciate u stop.”  OR We dont mind the visit but …. Its best if you contact us and wait for confirmation next time before coming.”

Answer

Text her and let her know that you heard she planned on visiting soon with no notice. Let her know that you are unprepared to host her or in your home but she can talk to your husband about meeting up with him separately

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Lol I’d take a little vacation for most of her visit, with my kid. She’ll learn the hard way to schedule ahead instead of just show up.

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That’s your right. I would not be direct myself but request husband to put forward my request, anyways if you feel it’s best for your family at this time-go ahead!

Answer

The way I see it is that’s his mother so he should be the one talking to her. Just like if your mother was doing something that your husband didn’t like you would handle her. I’ve tried explaining to my own MIL about not giving ice cream to my 8 month old son but she ignores it. So I told my husband to handle his mother and I’ll do the same to my own.

Disrespectful MIL. What would you do?

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