My kids having a hard time coping with divorce

Me and my husband just ended 21 years of marriage. It's been complicated and I know my kids are hurting. My girls cried, my son didn't. We did split custody of the kids. My girls have been taking the divorce hard but my son has been acting out of anger. This problem with his anger has been going on a while but it's gotten worse. He's put 4 holes in my wall and we've barely been here 2 months. He gets mad and throws things or punches holes in walls. He's gotten me and his dad billed from the school because he's gotten mad at his teacher and put holes in the walls in his classroom. His emotions are unpredictable. Some days he's full of rage. And others he's seems emotionless. My husband was the authoritative figure in the home and was big on not raising a weak man. He didn't spank any of our kids but he didn't like crying. He didn't even like it when our girls cried but was harder on our son about it after he passed 4. And I did understand his views and wanted to raise a protector and provider because that's what he was. But I don't think our son became those things. He doesn't even protect his sister's. He wants to be left alone 90 percent of the time. His rage started I want to say when he was 13 because we had an incident with someone in his Youth group and it went to court but the person was acquitted because of lack of evidence. We had him in therapy for that for about a month. That's when his rage started. He also inflicts pain onto himself but burning and or cutting himself. I think he tries so hard not to cry about things that it turns to rage and anger. He was fighting with his sister about the TV and he got mad and went up and punched our flat screen and broke up and it went to his room and I was P.O and he was burning himself in his room so I took the lighter so he put another hole in my wall. He also refuses to fix any holes he puts in my walls. I'm exhausted with him and at this point I'm wondering if him living with his dad full time would be better. He's doing the same shit at his dad's but his dad can at least handle it a little better than I can.

@Ryann my son didn't hurt someone in his Youth group. HE got hurt in his Youth group and the case was thrown out because of lack of evidence. That's on me for not explaining it better. I think because there was no justice that's when he started building rage