My dad doesn’t accept divorcee’s

Hi everyone I hope you are all well. I’m 27 years of age (and Muslim) and I met this person (30m) who has previously been married and is now divorced. He has been married for approximately 3 years and issues arises between them within the first of marriage and was separated mid to end of second year of marriage.

We both knew there was something special about one another, we met on a dating app and spoke consistently for the first week and we met each other for the first the following week. The day I walked up to him a voice in my head said he’s the one. His personality shone through and went straight to my heart. We both admitted we liked each other and met up again the next day. We arrange to meet weekly and have done everything since and before we know it we both said we love each other. Few weeks down the like everything is great, everything is going well. I’m not oblivious to know that there will be hurdles and disagreements and we both mature enough to know we will work it through. Our intention is to be married fairly soon and have family involvement from the onset. Both of our parents are aware that we are taking to each other but we haven’t initiated the parents conversation yet.

However, I have spoken with my dad he has already disagreed and isn’t willing to discuss or talk to his family due to him being divorced and this would be my first marriage. He has already labelled him as nothing. The name divorced has already tarnished his view of him and he hasn’t even asked what caused his marriage to break down or even wants to know what he’s like as a person. His view of him or anyone who is divorced is horrible. The judgment he made really made me upset and I can’t sleep because of it. My dad is divorced from my mum and he has since been remarried. His wife also thinks the same and instantly was rude about the concept of me lowering myself to a standard such as his. But I’m stuck now because my dad isn’t willing to change his opinion and he thinks by saying he’s divorced is enough to say no without giving an explanation. He views a divorcee as someone who isn’t worth anything and isn’t an individual. He constantly says I can do better and the better is someone who isn’t divorced but holds the same values as this person im talking to I.e, education, secure job, in good career, earns a lot etc. Even when I discuss other potentials I’ve spoken to and how some have had previous relationships and performed things that married couples do - he still believes there’s better with someone who isn’t divorced when large majority are not what he thinks they are.

My mum however is supportive of me and is willing to have communications with his family. Knowing the character I am and the person I am my mum trusts I wouldn’t bring someone forward who isn’t a genuine kind hearted person.

I don’t know what I should do in this situation, even if my mum talks to them and she likes them and wants to progress things my dad would not want to be involved which would mean he wouldn’t talk to me. Our relationship will break down then. And he wouldn’t want anything to do with me then. The thought of that breaks my heart. I haven’t slept the past couple of days and the guilt is killing me. The guy I’m talking with is so caring, considerate and gives me the comfort especially when I suffer from anxiety so badly. He doesn’t know what’s causing it but he’s been there for me.

If I go ahead with him I would have my dad’s approval and I will hurt him and myself as he wouldn’t look at me the same. If I don’t go ahead I may be looking for someone who suits my parents needs but not necessarily my own - again I may also find someone more suited all round.

Has anyone been in this situation before? I apologise in advice to those who may not understand what it’s like in a Muslim culture but the society is very opinionated and judgmental. The religion aspect of it isn’t that way but the culture is. I would some advice on how to handle all of this and some positive affirmations please because I’m so anxious right now I can’t control my emotions. Anyone from the Muslim community who could shed some light on any experiences they have had would be greatly appreciated.

UPDAT: firstly I would like to say thank you for your responses. I’m so grateful for every one of you 🥰. I have a question to ask, I don’t fully get the reasons for his divorce but on the surface it seems as though he made a lot of effort in terms of he lived with her in laws, moved and rented where she wanted and bought a property near where her family is but she didn’t want or had little involvement with his side of the family and kept making excuses not to go join them. However, she was the one who wanted the divorce. There were arguments leading up to it and a lot of the time she didn’t accept her wrong doings and didn’t like being told she’s wrong. I have asked a few times now with regards to his previous marriage and what I listed above was what I got sense of. Does this seem concerning at all? And if so how should I approach this topic with him I don’t want it to be an interrogation.