here’s a backstory i guess: my parents are SUPER religious, meaning they think sex should be abstained until marriage. i’ve never had a proper sex talk, i’ve just been told to “keep my legs closed” and remain pure for my future husband. my mother has told me nothing but how painful sex is the first time, that i’ll bleed, it won’t fit, i won’t be to able to continue, i’ll cry, and it’ll just suck. they do everything to instill fear into me, rather than sexual education for my benefit. i’m 17 years old and i’ve been dating this guy for 2.5 years. he’s never rushed me into anything sexual and doesn’t mind waiting until marriage. he knows that i’m absolutely terrified to have sex, let alone have anything inside of me. i cant even wear tampons from the fear.

so yesterday my bf and i were hanging out at his house and began making out. he started kissing my neck and i told him to not give me a hickey so he stopped. he sucked on my neck before i told him to stop, so the damage was done. this morning my mom saw my neck and starting freaking out and basically told me that my dad was going to “kill me”. she then told me that i’m not going to contribute to the teen pregnancy statistic and even referred to a young girl who recently had a baby. she then told me she’s refusing to put me on birth control (i asked for my acne. i’ve been on accutane, topicals, and oral meds and i’m at my last resort. not to mention, i have terrible periods which i pass out from cramps and throw up.) i find it ironic that she’s refusing to put me on BC after she finds out me and my bf do things. my parents recently had a talk with me, with was AWFUL. they told me they’re trying to protect me so that i remain pure and untainted for my husband (literally their words). idk why they put so much value on my virginity, it’s like that defines my worth. I guess they think that once I’m married this fear will go away, but it won’t. i dread my future wedding for this reason. they even went as far as to checking my body and making me strip down after hanging out with my bf to make sure i didn’t do anything sexual with him. my mother said that’s pretty invasive and they wouldn’t do that. (i literally wouldn’t consent anyways). i want to go therapy, i’m actually terrified of anything sexual and i can’t even imagine the guilt im going to experience once i lose my virginity.