Gaslighting, Narcissistic, Sociopathic

My parents have done so much for me. However, everytime they upset me about something or hurt my feelings, they never apologize, turn it around on themselves making THEM the victims, saying I should be grateful and not feel how I feel, minimize my feelings, completely belittle me and dismiss my feelings & anything that does not match their point of view, the list goes on. Basically, I should NEVER be upset by them about anything because they have done a lot for me. I should listen and follow whatever they tell me. THEY know what's best. My way of life should align with their way of life. My mom gives me the cold shoulder and would ignore me until the end of time if I wasn't always the one apologizing or reaching out. And my dad has just been condescending to me my whole life. And because of all this, I second-guess my own reality, can't trust myself even with things like if locks are actually locked, have low self-confidence, feel stupid.

This last incident from a week ago was the last straw for me. I talked to my brother about it because he knows what it's like. He talked to my dad who sent me a message saying if I'm upset, I shouldn't be. I poured my heart out to him. He completely dismissed me, saying I shouldn't be wrapped in my own feelings, I am overreacting, he is disappointed in me, etc. and I was calm, didn't yell when I last saw them. It was very disheartening. I showed my husband, brother, sister-in-law our entire message exchange and they were all shook up about it and upset FOR me. They stated my messages were very well-said. I even explained it to my mother-in-law and she doesn't throw the word crazy around often at all, but she said they were being crazy. My mom is still not speaking to me but has obviously spoken through my dad's messages to me. Not even kidding - it's as if they never actually read my messages. They were just being completely defensive and entitled the whole time - their viewpoint or nothing. I didn't even get a half a$$ apology.

Researching online about their behavior and getting validation from outside people really truly opened up my eyes. I've been through this emotional abuse, gaslighting, narcissistic behavior for SO LOONG that I never noticed it. I finally have some clarity.

I saw one time them exposing their toxic behavior to one of my kids. I stood up when I witnessed that and I was blown off once again. What else could they be doing with my kids when I'm not around?? I'm honestly afraid of exposing my own kids to this...

I've expressed what I wanted to express to them. I need an apology. I'm tired of just letting it go (as my mom likes to tell me "just let it go") and being their doormat my whole life... them treating me however they want to because I'm their kid. There's a saying - it's hard for older people to change. I say... you're never too old to be nice.

The ball is in their court now. I've said all I needed to say. It's up to them whether they wanna keep pushing people away, even their only grandchildren. It's disappointing and makes me absolutely sick to my stomach that this is even happening.