Should I even consider forgiving this…? Super long post I’m sorry…

So literally two weeks ago I found out my husband sent inappropriate texts to a waitress at the casino. He has a gambling issue it’s no secret and it pisses me off because he’s always complaining about having no money and it’s like uh hello??? But that’s beside the point. He was inappropriately texting this casino waitress and I found out about it a couple weeks ago. At first he said he was only doing it so she would bring him a beer faster and I said yeah we both know that’s bull shit so how about you stop lying and then he said he did it because he had too much to drink and he knew he fucked up and please don’t leave we have 3 kids and blah blah blah THEN literally 2 days later after him drinking he came home and we got into it again and he said it’s my fault he did what he did I never give him attention like I do the babies and I’m not shit to him all I am is sex. He went to bed and I started packing mine and my kids stuff and slept with them on the couch. He seen I had started packing to leave in the morning before he left for work and he started crying asking if we could talk about it when he got home and I said I probably wouldn’t be done packing by then anyway. He came home from work early and bawling saying he never meant what he said he just said it to hurt my feelings and brought his mom and grandma over later to also beg me not to go. I told him since nothing physical ever happened I would give him one more chance but shit has to change and there’s no way he’s 100% getting my trust back right away and he said he understood that and would work on slowly gaining my trust back and etc. He was doing good for the first week at actually coming home after work and spending time with me and the kids so I thought okay maybe he is serious about this then the next couple days he was out until like 11pm on work nights saying he was working late or at his grandmas which I was skeptical about and then tonight he calls me at 11pm because I asked if he was okay and he said he’s going to the casino and he won’t be long doesn’t even know if that chick still works there or not and if she does he will either be a dick to her or not talk to her because he loves me and I told him regardless I appreciate you being honest in saying you were going there but I still don’t trust it no matter what you say you could tell me one thing but do the opposite and how would I know because I’m not there and you’ve clearly done it before it doesn’t make me feel good that you are going back there knowing how I would feel about it and you’ve only waited what 2 weeks since everything happened I thought you would have just not went period if you were so serious about wanting me to stay and work things out. He said you know what fuck it I’m just going to come home you ruin everything and I can never have time to myself to have fun and then hung up. Keep in mind I never tell him what he can and can’t do and it’s a Wednesday at 11pm as is and he has 3 kids waiting for him to come home because he hadn’t even been home all day yet but tried making me feel like shit for saying it’s only been 2 weeks I still don’t trust him going there and I don’t feel comfortable with it. When he came home he literally went straight to bed never said anything to me or the kids or ate the dinner I cooked for him. Part of me is like fuck this I don’t deserve this shit and a normal person wouldn’t instantly forgive that and would be upset if their spouse tried going back and doing the same thing too. I just feel so tired. So tired of fighting, of trying, of worrying, of wondering, of forgiving, of caring, of crying. I’m tired of talking and never being heard. I’m just so tired and I feel like my kids can see mommy is tired too..

Also just to add this he told me about a week after confronting him about the messages “you know I’ve said I’m sorry a few times and you never once have” and I asked what do I have to be sorry about and he said for going through my phone and I told him “okay well I’m sorry that I don’t feel I have anything to be sorry about” 🤷🏼‍♀️ like what? How is what you did my fault dude…