What would you do?

Long story short I moved out when I was 18, left an awful situation. I am now almost 22. Moved out of state to my bf. Been here for almost 3 years. Was treated like garbage for the first two. My bf has changed a lot, he’s no longer verbally abusive yet he does nothing.

He’s been unemployed the whole time and can’t drive. (He was scared to get back to work it due to surgery he had before me that caused him to not work so I somewhat in but it’s been years) We have plans to move near family in may but now he has no idea how we’ll do it. He is just now looking for a job. A time where no places are hiring. We were fine for a while when I had savings but I wasted them all on pretty much what he wanted. He kept telling me we’d be okay but now we’re not.

I’m a college student, he said it’d be okay if I didn’t work. Now I’m looking for work and not getting any responses from places and he’s not either. I have thoughts about leaving. I feel so unemotional and disconnected. I’ve been away from my family for so long, this will be my 4th holiday season without them. He has trouble understanding, he says we only have a few more months till may, why am I now upset? I’ve been upset the whole time I’ve been here. I never wanted to be here but needed to leave because of abuse from someone.

Is it crazy if I leave such a long relationship? We have so much together. Pictures, videos, our Christmas tree, our cats, etc. i would just leave that all? We’re also engaged. Have plans to start a family one day.

I feel like such a loser, I have no friends and have never had fun really. When I tell him this he always thinks I mean sleeping around. Which is an absolute no for me. I just want to have fun with people. He also says it’s because I wanna replace him.