Tell me if I’m right or wrong

Okay ladies this is kind of long but I’m just gonna vent…..

My dad and I haven’t really had a relationship since I was 16. Before I was 16 I was a daddy’s girl, my mom and him had been separated since I was like 2 years old. But he always would come pick me up, take me around the family, take me shopping just daddy daughter things. But when I was 16 he had a girlfriend and baby that I didn’t even know about. He told me before my drive test at the DMV that he had someone he wanted me to meet “Your little sister”. I failed that drive test. My Birthday is 9/22 and she was born 9/24. That was the first year he didn’t call and wish me a Happy Birthday, I was wondering why until I found out she was born around that time, I get it he was occupied. Since I was 16, I just didn’t feel close to him, I always felt like he was starting over and forgot all about me.

Anyway I’m 30 years old now, I’ve been married and with my partner for 7 years now, and my dad has never even met him. Every couple of years I have that conversation with him where he cries to me and says “I’m gonna change” and I ALWAYS forgave him, but soon after everything is the same again. 3 separate times he’s come to my city, to visit someone else mind you, but he said he would come over and see me. Those times I cleaned my house, made lunch, made ice tea, and he never showed. Why was a 27 year old woman waiting for her absent father to actually show up, just because he said he would. I had hope and I was way to forgiving I guess.

My husband & I are pregnant now. I didn’t tell my dad personally that I was pregnant because I haven’t talked to him since January and that was only because my grandfather died and he let me know. We don’t talk ever. I deliberately didn’t tell him because for what? I made an announcement on Instagram & Facebook, so he knows I’m pregnant because he’s talked to everyone else about it besides actually calling or texting me to say congratulations. He called my mom & grandma 2 weeks ago crying and upset asking them what is wrong with me. What is wrong with me??? I didn’t do anything. He called them to say how much he loved me and all of these things and my mom and grandma told him the truth “You haven’t been there for her”. He told them he would give me a call, a few days later he told my mom that he called me but it went straight to voicemail…. You didn’t leave a voicemail? If someone’s phone supposedly goes straight to voicemail and you don’t leave a message how are they to know you called? And you didn’t try to call back? Liar. Only thing I have done was grow up and grow a backbone and put my feelings first. After not doing anything for me since I was 16 he expects me to be the same little girl I guess idk.

Anyway I won’t be inviting him to our baby shower. Why should I feel bad for not including him? He doesn’t call to check on me, doesn’t know the man I’m married to, doesn’t even text to say how was your day. For a long time I was so forgiving of him. Every time he would call I would pick up the phone and act as if everything was okay, him doing the bare minimum was enough for me. Now it is not. I’m starting my own family now and do not wish to have someone in my child’s life that’s gonna be there one day and gone the next. What kind of parent would I be to let him do the same thing to his grandchild that he did to me, which was not be there at all. His mom, my grandma, likes to use the excuse “But that’s your dad” like I don’t have a relationship with him to even call him my dad, technically I don’t even know the guy. She coddles him and he doesn’t even call her or go visit her either and she’s 82 years old. She thinks him taking care of me was him paying child support, like money doesn’t do shit for a child who wants to hear her dads voice once in a while.

So I chose a man that is NOTHING like my dad. My husband protects me, tells me the truth, cares about me, stands up for me, like literally everything I never received from my father. I chose this man because I know he will give my kids a better father/child relationship than I did, and that’s all I can ask for 🙏🏾. I am so lucky to have my grandpa (my moms dad) and my husbands dad as examples of fatherhood, for that I am grateful.

The crazy thing is if he would have text or called me to say congratulations I would’ve sent him an invite smh. That’s why they say not having a father in your life as a girl can ruin you. But you have to be stronger than that.

I know this is long I just needed to vent, do you ladies think I am right for not wanting to invite him to the baby shower, should I be strong and keep the toxicity away? Or should I adopt the thought of “He’s your dad, give him another chance?”