I’m sorry for posting this, but I am so stressed and scared. And I don’t have any friends to talk to for advice. So I keep coming here.

Anyone not have their baby’s nursery set up at 32 weeks? I feel bad because with my son, I already had everything put together and a room for him. My late husband helped me SO much. Now, I don’t even have a room for this baby. 😞 my bf kept saying we would either move or get a room built. He kept flip flopping those solutions every month. I’m 32 weeks and now it’s not possible and he says he can’t afford it yet he’s buying gaming systems, lottery tickets, and other things we don’t need. He’s $3000 behind on mortgage. It was 1500 but I didn’t know this until I moved in. Rent and food were my priority when it was just me and my son. I had an extra room for a baby too at my apartment. But bf won’t live in one. Also, I’ve been buying the baby diapers, clothes, crib, wipes, Boppy, bedding, decor. He keeps putting everything off until last minute then making excuses. I’ve been sleeping on the couch for several reasons (my back hurts from the bed, he demanded me wake him up for sex and that if I didn’t initiate I wouldn’t get anything from it, and then last few times I slept in the bed, he made these weird cringey whining noises implying he wanted sex and it made me want to gag because he acted like a baby. 🤮 my gut instinct is telling me to run)

I feel like I failed my babies because I moved in with him soon after I got pregnant. My gut was telling me not to, but I listened to everyone else saying I should because being a single mom of two kids is hard and that he seemed he was good to me. But he’s changed. He basically called me disgusting. And I can already tell he isn’t going to help with the baby. He works 3rds and sleeps all day. He sleeps 12-18 hours. He also keeps saying he wants to quit his job. He has no savings. And I can’t afford this small house. I am constantly having to keep my son quiet as to not wake him. He’s been shady with his phone. He has been placing it under his pillow instead of on the desk. And it’s been going off a lot. Last time I was looking at the registry (he has prime) I noticed he had deleted texts from snap chat. I don’t use snap chat. He hasn’t bought anything except a lovey from Amazon that I begged for. I told him I want to talk to him after Halloween. I’m stressed as is and high risk so I don’t need added stress of him and I arguing on top of my sons birthday party and getting his costume ready. He’s been avoiding me, and giving me silent treatment most of the time. But then he will message me and say I’m avoiding him. Even though I’m the one that messaged last. He doesn’t try at all in the relationship and this is just draining and I just want to give up. I need my energy for my kids. I cook for him and he never says thank you. I don’t expect it every time, but every once in awhile would make me feel appreciated. Especially when it’s something new. Also, My son is autistic and adhd and he talks a lot. Yesterday he came up to me and said “mama, Bryan’s not talking to me.” So, now he’s ignoring my son who hasn’t done anything because he’s frustrated with me. He’s not even coming to his birthday party because he has to “work” which is weird considering he works thirds and his party is during the day. I just keep failing and I’m so unhappy. I Applied for an apartment but I’m number 6 on the wait list. I’m due Christmas. I’m hoping I get this apartment. I’m so tired of crying and feeling alone. I’ve never been this depressed since my husband died.

My mom said she will try to help but her and I don’t get a long very well because she doesn’t respect boundaries and has SEVERE ocd, because her and my stepdad take a lot of meds for medical issues, and she worries they have dropped medications or something in the floor which I worry about too but I always keep my eyes on my kids unless they would be in the living room, as there isn’t much stuff in there. But it would just be temporary so idk I’m just so so so stressed 😭