I was removed from the “October 2022” group once I changed my pregnancy to a loss but I just wanted to be able to share my sweet baby boy somewhere. I was 39 weeks 1 day and scheduled for an ECV. Morning of we found out he finally turned head down for the first time the whole pregnancy. I started cytotec one dose at 7:40AM and 10:40AM, contractions came soon after the 2nd dose. When my water broke at 1:08PM it was noted in my chart that it was meconium stained, although we were never notified of this (me, hubby, or doula) my labor progressed normally. By 3:30PM I was 5cm. After that it got pretty painful but I stuck to my plan of no epidural. I got stuck for a couple hours at 7cm but I managed to get to 8cm with a position change. By 10:30PM I was pushing!! It felt so empowering and relieving. 9 pushes in 4 minutes and he was out!!! Once he was out, he was laid on me we made eye contact and then he was swept away as he had trouble breathing and his heart rate dropped. They could never get it back above 60bpm.

My baby is not here with me and it hurts me to the core. I don’t know how we will ever get through this. I’ve never experienced hurt like this before and to have the engorged breast, stitches, and stretch marks with no baby is torture. But I will forever be grateful for my labor experience. It was the hardest but most beautiful thing I’ve ever endured. We got pregnant with him spontaneously 2 years of ttc and 4 rounds of clomid with 2 miscarriages.

My precious baby boy. Mommy and daddy love you so much 💙

Born 10.26.2022