Amazing read!

I can only answer for my husband, who is the cheater, not for anyone else.

I saw trouble brewing in our marriage 10 years ago. I talked to him about it. I told him he had made a career decision that would drive us apart if he didn’t change course. He agreed, so we decided he would stay in his position for two years, and then move up in his company, something that was certainly available to him.

Two years went by. He didn’t express interest in changing his career course, so I reminded him of the agreement we had made two years earlier. He told me he liked the path he was on and intended to stay on it until retirement. I told him he was reneging on our agreement. I told him he was never home, I was lonely for him, I missed him, and I missed our life together. He told me he didn’t care; his career decisions belonged to him.

So I accepted this and adjusted my life. I understand my husband cannot be everything to me, and I understand that no marriage is perfect. I pursued new interests, made new friends, and created a life I was happy with.

Every year, I talked to him about my loneliness and my feelings of betrayal over his broken promise and my hurt over his greater commitment to his job than to me. He told me he is happy, and I should be happy for him.

This went on for 10 years, as I said. I cannot go into more detail because I am starting to become upset. I’ll just say that during many of the years I was feeling hurt, lonely and betrayed, he was unfaithful.

He told me it was so nice to have someone in his life who truly cared about him. He told me how he loved having someone to talk to. He told me she is his best friend. He said when I found out about her, I ruined everything for both of them.

I don’t know why he said that, because I never told him to break up with her. She can have him, you see. The thing is, he wants to fix our marriage now. Why is your question. I’ll tell you why.

He took me for granted for decades. He used and misused my trust and faith in him, and he never, ever thought doing so would blow up in his face. If I divorce him, he has a lot to lose, and he doesn’t want to lose his comfortable life or his agreeable wife.

We have been married for a long time, so in our state, everything we have gets divided 50/50 in a divorce. He doesn’t want to lose half of everything. On top of that, I alone hold the mortgage to our home and land. In our state, this means that in a divorce, I keep the house and the land. If I sell or pass away before him, only then will he receive his half. He doesn’t like that.

There are other financial losses as well. They apply to both of us, of course, but losing the ability to live in our home on our beautiful property is something he cannot handle.

So now he wants to work on our marriage. He doesn’t get it, though. I’m not lonely anymore. I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t want to spend time with him. My eyes don’t light up when he walks into the room. I don’t smile at the pleasure of seeing his face. I rarely make eye contact with him.

I will discuss the weather with him. I will remind his of his appointments. I make sure the bills are paid. I will never do or say anything to harm him. And when I’m emotionally and psychologically stronger, I will let him go.