My first big fat positive (as the trying to conceive blogs would call it) I wasn’t guarded yet. Upon seeing the positive test I immediately planned a cute surprise on how to tell my husband, who would make an absolutely amazing father. After a few years of trying it was finally happening! I knew it was smart to wait a few weeks to tell friends and family, but deep down I didn’t think a loss could happen to us.

The cramping and bleeding came quick and unexpected, on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> 2021. Desperately I called dozens of OB-GYN offices and no Obgyn would see me. I was encouraged to go to the hospital to be seen, and the hospital cruelly subjected me to a very traumatic and painful internal ultrasound (I later found out that they did this only so they could bill extra, and performing an ultrasound with my HCG levels would be pointless 🙁)

Fast forward to now, after 10 months of vitamins, extra water, eating healthier, <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">tracking ovulation</a> I get another positive pregnancy test. But this time, I couldn’t get excited about it, I couldn’t plan a cute way to surprise My husband because I couldn’t have faith that things would progress normally. My gut instinct was correct and my positive wasn’t dark enough to get excited about, my hcg wasn’t rising like a healthy pregnancy. Another loss, and another year of trying down the drain.

And here we are today, the day my blood beta results have confirmed that another miscarriage is happening.

I wish I could write this post with an inspirational message or a happy ending that everything worked out for me - and that it will work out for you as well.

Instead I write it to offer you comfort in knowing you aren’t alone, you aren’t the only one.