‼️ Long Post ‼️

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years and we have two children together, oldest is 2 and youngest is 2 weeks. Me and his mom have always had a mutual relationship not the best in the world but not terrible either. With our first born his mom has only seen them maybe a handful of times and has only gotten them birthday gifts so 2 presents in their whole life. Which is fine im not expecting her to shower my child in gifts but also if you’re not at least active in their lives that says a lot too.

It was our oldest 2nd birthday back in March and we had just a small family party/get together because during the party we were gonna announce that we were expecting our second child. I still planned like a little theme and small games and food for everyone to do so it would be some what fun. We had the party outside and it was nice out kind of windy and a little chilly if you were in the shade but nothing a long sleeve couldn’t help. I say this because after the party was done and people were leaving my family came up to me and told me throughout the party his mom was saying things like “Why did they have it outside” “it’s so cold out here” “They could of planned this better” and on top of that right before everyone left and I was told all that was when we told everyone we were expecting his mom goes “This grandma wants to know something, when are y’all gonna get married?”

It was so awkward no one said anything. One of the decorations I had put out were little toy rings and she legitimately grabs one and says “what’s the problem do you need a ring? Here.” And tosses it to him and I walked away. Said our goodbyes one last time and that was it. So once my family told me about what she said I talked to my boyfriend about it and at first he said his mom was probably joking and she didn’t mean anything by it and the marriage thing was just jabs at him because he said his mom has been bugging him on when he is going to propose to me. I told him that still doesn’t make it right because not everyone takes “jokes” the same way and as far as I know no one was laughing.

It took him 2 months to finally call her and talk to her about what she said because I told him I did not want to have anymore parties wether it be gender reveal, Christmas, or another birthday party with his mom because I’m not going to put my all into planning a party and for her to come in and act like she could of done better or like the party was for her you know? So of course after he talked to her she said she didn’t remember saying any of that and that if she did she meant it as a joke. But thankfully my boyfriend told her next time we have a party to just try and keep some of her comments to herself because he didn’t appreciate hearing about what she had said and she got defensive and started getting mad at him so he just got off the phone.

Fast forward months later it was time we found out the gender but I didn’t want to throw a gender reveal party and she trash talk my work again so I made the decision to not have one and we just told our families separately. And fast forwards more months later about time to have a baby shower but again I didn’t want to have one and she trash talk that too so I didn’t have one. But now that baby is here and thanksgiving is around the corner we are going to be visiting our families and I don’t know what to do.

Now that we have two children we have to use my car for most family things because his car can’t fit two car seats in the back. So if he wants to go visit his family with the kids he’s gonna have to use my car. Now that’s not the problem the problem is, do I just let him go to his moms house with my car and kids by himself or should I go too and see her face to face for the first time since March at my oldest birthday party and all the crap she said. Cause now I’m overthinking and I’m like what if I do go and she starts criticizing the way my kids are dressed or if I have to discipline my oldest for something or start asking about marriage again.

So what should I do ladies?! A part of me never wants to see her again because it won’t hurt me if I don’t but I’m not stupid I know she’s still my boyfriends mother and the grandmother to my kids so of course he still wants his mom to apart of things but I told him we could maybe always do separate things? Like for a birthday he can take the kids and go with his family and do something and I take the kids and go do something with my family so that way I’m not undermining my feelings and getting shitted on if she criticizes me again. But also so my boyfriend is able to still have his mom involved in their life’s.

I got a 3rd birthday coming up and obviously a 1 year in the far future what should I do?!!?