My husband and I are going through a divorce but still co habitate. I was a SAHM and I have yet to find a job. It’s been 6 weeks since I initiated the divorce due to him triggering me and my mental illnesses, serial cheating, and betrayal and just neglect. He left the kids in my care when I was having a mental breakdown and having suicidal thoughts and nightmares. I didn’t trust myself and that hurts the most out of all his betrayals is the abandonment and leaving the kids in my care when I felt unstable. I’ve been in therapy since Sept and I’ve joined the gym since November and I go to both consistently. I’m doing the best I can to keep myself stable mental wise. But my husband is super immature and won’t let things go and just makes living here terrible. I can’t move out until I get a job. I can possibly move states and get help from my MIL but I have no parents alive and he won’t let me move states because he wants 50/50 custody. When he has never been involved in their life. He was there but not there. Worked out of state and couldn’t really step up and be a dad and partner when I needed. Well today he was arguing with me while I was cooking lunch. I kept telling him to please leave the room. This was in front of the kids. They’re 3 and 5. I lost my shit and something came over me and told me to throw some tongs at him. I felt triggered and pushed into a corner. I reacted irrationally and scared myself. I didn’t hit him but it hit my dog and I feel so bad I immediately cried and went outside to get out of the situation to calm my nervous system. No one else triggers this reaction besides my husband and it’s happened 2-3 times previously. I never hit him or anyone. Now I feel so incompetent and that maybe he should get full custody. He’s the one with the job and money and stability. I love my kids to death but I feel I’m traumatizing them. Idk what to do. I know leaving them to move to another state for 6 months while I get my life together could traumatize them too. Idk what to do here I feel so helpless. Idk what to do ladies and I don’t wanna make a rash decision I know I could be thinking not so clearly right now. What would you do?