Feel so shit right now.

I’ve been home off work for the last 6 days with my son who has chickenpox and I also have a chest infection.

My son is fine in himself and has been absolutely bouncing off the walls, as 5 year olds do, but because we can’t go out all that much, our dog is getting irritable and has been barking all day every day at every little thing she sees or hears outside and has been getting under my feet following me around wanting walkies all the time. I’ve been trying to do little bits of work from home because I’m self employed and some things just really needed to be done this week at the latest, but it’s been near impossible to take more than 5 minutes without being interrupted. On top of this, my parents, sister, & MIL have all been texting or calling so much this week- wanting to see how my son is (which is fair enough but there’s only so much to tell- yep, he’s still got spots!) and also asking at least 5 times a day what to get him for Christmas, what do I want, what does my husband want, what’s our plans for Christmas Day, etc, despite me telling them every single time that I really haven’t had chance to think about it but promise I will let them know by the middle of next week once things have settled down a little here. In the meantime, I’ve had people from my shop calling a few times a day to ask something, and I’ve also been going in between 9pm-1am most days to try and keep on top of the things I need to be doing each day before it all piles up too much.

We’ve managed to get out today as my sons spots are finally getting better, but I’ve been so ridiculously desperate for some time to myself, away from anyone needing me or asking me something or interrupting me. My husband was off work today and asked if he could have some time to get something done, and promised that he would then take our son and the dog out for a few hours after that so I could have the house to myself, which sounded good. It got to about 4pm and my husband was due to take everyone out, but at this point it’s already getting dark, our son is tired, and it’s getting really cold outside, so he suggests I just take some time upstairs in the bedroom and he will keep the dog and our son entertained downstairs. Not ideal but ok. All I’ve heard for the past hour is my son shouting and screaming as they run around the living room, the dog is barking at them, and my MIL has tried to call me twice and then showed up at my house so she could “wave to [my] previous boy through the window”.

I’m so upset that I haven’t been able to have the time I so desperately needed, but I feel worse for even thinking like that when I know my husband is trying to help. My son is just being a kid, the dog is just joining in the fun, and my family care a lot. I have nothing to complain about but I’m sat here seething and disappointed that I’ve wasted the only few hours I can have to myself being stuck in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing, knowing that I’ve still got laundry and dishes and cleaning and work and everything else waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This isn’t what I wanted, but I feel so ungrateful 😒