My mother-in-law's dog died three years ago. She still buys dog food and fills the dog's bowl with kibble and water (water daily, kibble I don't know how often). She has pictures of her dog hung above the water and food bowls, one in his favourite spot, and another above his dog bed. She has a large picture of her dog framed that she talks to constantly and keeps in his spot on the couch. She has a decent sized shrine dedicated to him in the living room.

Since her dog died, every year for the month of December she keeps a candle lit from midnight on the first of the month until midnight Jan 1st. It only goes out when she leaves the house or she goes to bed. For that month, she expects everyone to come together to help her grieve. She expects us to do things like get her sympathy cards and flowers, bring her meals, and reminisce about her dog.

This is now the third year of this and I've been telling my husband for almost three years that his mom needs therapy. This has taken hold of her life in a negative way. She says I don't understand the connection she had with her dog but I told her that while everyone grieves in their own way, I'm genuinely concerned for her.

For the month of December, she doesn't leave her house except for medical appointments. She relies on family to do her housework, groceries, etc because she is too depressed. She refuses to participate in Christmas because she thinks it's disrespectful to her dog's memory. She shuts down any talk that doesn't support her continuing what she's doing.

We are at a loss. We tried online counselling (she refused) and I even gave her the number of someone who does phone counselling and she turned it down.

We can't do this anymore, but how to you help someone who doesn't want help?