Everybody says how good it feels to be free but nobody tells you how bad the psychological effects are. He didn’t “hit” me per say he would push but never slap or punch or anything but the mental and emotional abuse was so bad. The gaslighting. The cheating. Nobody tells you how hard it is to let yourself be happy after. Nobody tells you how hard it is to let someone love you again. How weird it feels to be treated right. To go from being told how wrong you are for everything and everything is your fault and that you should kill yourself to being told how amazing you are and complimented regularly. I feel so guilty for feeling happy but also for feeling weird about being with him because he makes me happy. I feel guilty that he has to deal with my trauma and my responses. That I’m scared to communicate for fear of being yelled at and fear of being gaslighted. I feel guilty that he has to deal with my trust issues. I trust him I’m just scared.