Hey y’all, my husband and I have been married 8 years, together for 1 year before that.. he’s calmed down over the years but has a past of being kinda a “bad boy”. I’ve always been a “good girl” and he said it’s one of the things he actually was drawn to the most about me. Anyways, when we met he was still partying and I rejected him twice 😅 he was NOT smoking cigarettes anymore tho and he said he was really more of a social smoker than anything back when he did. He does chew tobacco buuuuut he’s a bit of a redneck so I knew I couldn’t try to change him. I accepted the tobacco and was okay with that. He’s actually quit and been off it for years but he always seems to dip right back into it as a coping mechanism for stress, and it’s a pattern that I really do NOT like. I was raised differently and was taught to overcome stress etc by bettering yourself and other methods, such as exercise, etc. not ever turning to a suppressant. Recently he hurt his mouth (long story) and he can’t chew so he went back to cigarettes and I’m trying to be understanding- our life has been HELL. Not in our relationship, but life circumstances have been beyond awful. It’s been extremely difficult. I understand that he’s stressed, but so am I!! Anyways he has been only doing it outside, trying to keep the smoke smell away from us, etc, but the biggest caveat is that I’m extremely allergic to cigarette smoke and I can still smell it on him. Since he started a few days ago, I have constant migraines, my throat and tongue are swollen plus itchy, and I overall feel really frustrated. I want him to better himself. I don’t want our small children breathing the cigarette smell/smoke. I feel so discouraged. He knows I don’t like cigs and he promised me he would get rid of them the second he could chew again (in a few days), but the larger issue is that I feel like he should overcome his dependency on a drug and learn how to cope in healthy ways. Sigh. Just feeling kinda discouraged. Am I being too hard on him??? I know we are going through it life wise right now. I want to support him too. And he isn’t smoking around me or the kids, or even inside the house. I just really hate it.

EDIT TO ADD: he is an amazing husband and father. He is a hard worker, provides for us, protects us, tries his best to keep everyone happy, and he’s always doing little things to show me and the kids how much we mean to him. He is a GOOD MAN.

Further edit: I actually don’t really care about the chew, I kiss him with it all the time lol. It’s the smoking that I really dislike 😕