My feelings are hurt but asking god for clarity & reassurance is what was needed!

I just got out the hospital from having a 2 day long unbearable excruciating pain crisis. (I have sickle cell)

And my man was supposed to come see me and be there for me.

He didn’t bother hitting me back since our phone conversation the morning of the day I left when he was supposed to be on his way to me !

So I woke up today and prayed. I thank god for my day , I just prayed in general and prayed on his and I relationship. I basically asked god for clarification/answer.

I told god ways to try and show me the answer. ..

Low and behold he answered my prayers about a hour or 2/3 later and through one of the ways I told him ..!

& yalll … 😟🙁☹️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ look at this mess.

I was SHOOK ! Like 😳🫢

That’s crazy isn’t it.

My heart hurts. He was my first love. THOUGHT he’d be my last but …! 😅🚮

And the crazy thing is .. we just broke up not too long ago and I took him back. Took him back just for the same ole ish to continue AND for it to end like THIS !… 🤦🏽‍♀️

Yeah I cried for 2 literal minutes because I felt like that wasn’t necessary he didn’t have to call me that so I felt mentally and emotionally abused I felt disrespected and I felt played all in one.. 🤷🏽‍♀️ after that short cry session I wiped my tears and turned 😈 and told him a few things and blocked him from my life. After that, I thanked god, and I removed every last negative feelings thoughts and emotions from my system.

But yeah girl, he don’t have anything for me anyways but 🍆 . 🍆 and fake love. Smh

But dang ! Like forreal thou !… 🙁💔

How rude. I was in the hospital fighting for my life and his response to “you left me hanging” was basically “im playing victim and he couldn’t get to my bitch ass bc he had something going on.”

Wooooooooow. Just wow dude. ☠️🤦🏽‍♀️

But it’s crazy again bc ik what he does every single day. He NEVER hasANYTHING going on so why couldn’t he get to me ? Oh right exactly. Bc the love wasn’t real.

I’m not going to get personal but trust me when I say this to you sis .. he had NADA NOTHING. GOING. ON. ☠️😑💯

That’s why it really blows me.

I had stuff going on too but I HAD to and HAVE to put my life on pause for a minute; until I’m able to get back into the ball game! And my man couldn’t come thru or follow thru , didn’t even check on me even when we first talked today, didn’t ask how I was feeling 5 if i needed him he didn’t even offer his hand or arms. 😕 then he told me that I don’t give af in the midst of our argumentative conversation which I was so calm firming.

He was playing the victim the entireeeee time but I never called him out on it thou. He Never even tried to be calm , never tried to HEAR or understand what I was saying.

It’s always i do this every other day or every day and he can’t do this and I’m toxic and He had stuff going on or he was dealing w a certain person or “I’m playing victim.” And “Idon’t get it.” “I never get it.” And “I don’t give af” or he can “never win”. UGHHHHH he makes me want to rip my hair out dude. But I love him. And if that’s what love us then idw it. (( If it’s one person not wanting to communicate or listen or try to understand or always arguing or victimizing or not taking accountability! Then idw it. I’m 100000% ok w being single for good. Before him I was singled for about 5/6 years ! I’m GOOOD on the single life. Trust me when I say ! ))

He never hears what I say to him. When I open up to him about my feelings .. it’ll always become an argument. He never “complains” about me bc I never do anything. Exactly how I want to be treated is how I treat people 1000% so he never had a single thing to say about me and when I say that .. i mean never having to bring something up for me to change/fix.

But yeah as I was saying… when Im completely over it after speaking my feelings … I block him and be done …

THAT IS WHEN he wants ta talk and acknowledge every single word I say and look&sound apologetic , and wants to fix whatever it is he can. And says how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life w me and get married and have his kids and build together BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I’m just upset bc I put so much into this And gave chance after chance after chance. Those were my choices.☠️ 🤦🏽‍♀️😕

I just feel so stupid.