Im not looking for sympathy, I think I’m looking for some kind of reassurance, but I’m fearing the worst has happened, again. I went to emerge on New Years <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> as I was having red spotting. I have had two MMCs this year so any blood causes me a lot of anxiety. I had blood drawn and my HCG was slightly lower than at 8wks which we were told is normal for this time in the pregnancy. The ER Dr said that she doesn’t know how to use a bedside ultrasound but that if we really wanted, she could try and look. So we said yes. We live in a very small town so calling in an ultrasound tech on weekends is not an option. During the ultrasound she said she couldn’t see anything in my uterus and that there was no heartbeat. My baby was there with a heartbeat at 8w4d with a HB of 161, I haven’t had any spotting and have not passed any tissue. She ended the visit saying “I’m very pessimistic and I think your baby is dead.” Now my body hasn’t been able to miscarry on its own, I always need medical intervention, so this sent me into a really bad panic attack later that night. My last two pregnancies both babies died at 8wks after heartbeats were there and I found out at 12/13wks.

I had an ultrasound today at 12w5d but will need to wait up to a week to find out the results, our techs aren’t allowed to say anything during ultrasounds, per hospital policy. Has anyone had experiences like this? It really sucks. But I’ve almost lost all hope.