Adhd is getting me down.

I have adhd. One thing that I often do is say “what?” Or “huh?” In response to what someone says because I’m busy already thinking of something else or many different things at once. I genuinely don’t hear what the person says at all until about 2 seconds later after I say “what” it finally clicks and then I realize I DID hear it just takes me a second to process what was said.

My husband is really annoyed by this. He says “see you DID hear me why do you say what?” So I tell him and he understands but still gets upset with me when I do it. He doesn’t always say it but I can tell. I say sorry and he says something like “it’s okay I just have to accept who you are” the tone he had was like a big sigh. So it didn’t feel nice to hear and kinda sad that how I am naturally has been so annoying to people in my life. Especially when dating. My past boyfriends have always been frustrated at me for this, and also that I forget stuff a lot. Sometimes I even forgot what you JUST said.

It’s really embarrassing and I feel less intelligent. I understand why it’s annoying.

It’s a really lonely sad feeling when you feel so different from everyone else and how you act naturally, annoys people.

He said “do you know how many times I have to repeat myself all day long?”

My dad use to say that to me a lot growing up. He used to say a lot of things like that and it hurt my feelings. I was really sad to hear my husband say it too. I’m tired of feeling like I’m doing something wrong when I’m simply just existing. I’m tired of trying to change my behavior for other people in order to not upset them.

Can anyone relate?