Well rn I’m almost ten weeks pregnant. I just kicked my kids dad out .. I’m onto my new semester of college and it’s so stressful. I have 3 kids now and the fourth is by the same guy I just kicked out . He just didn’t wanna seem to get better . He laid up not wanting to clean ever barely help me w my kids besides the one we had together. He mainly wanted to smoke weed and be lazy but general it jus seem like he didn’t even care . I just payed my car note off and I’m happy , but I wish I had someone to give me advice or motivate me & sadly my bd couldn’t . Our baby is 6 months old & I recently was supposed to get an abortion but I cancelled it . I think it was a stupid mistake considering I jus had a baby , it’s already hard with 3. But I know I won’t have the money til another month and by then I’ll be almost 16 weeks. I’m supposed to find out what I’m having on Tuesday I just honestly don’t know wat to do. My life is in shambles , I feel like killin myself .. but seeing all these women who did already including taking their kids with them , I don’t wanna ever do it or even think about giving up . I pray the lord forgives me for my thoughts but I am sad… I wanna lay down all day but I have to give my kids good energy. My mom never visits && my sister barely communicates w me ever since she lost her son two yrs ago. My mom is a homeboy and is scared to travel and thinks I terminated my pregnancy but I didn’t. Please someone help me … I don’t know who to tell. I’m so sad I just can’t believe my life is like this right now . Although I’m slowly succeeding I just don’t know if I can . I barely have any money to pay my water bill and I have to figure out how I’m going to get my daughter back-and-forth this week because my other kids father hasn’t been giving me money. It’s a lot but I’m going to pray on it and see if it all turns around for me I just wish someone could not be judgmental or tell me to get counseling but to tell me their experiences and How to get through this.