Am I wrong?

Question

So a little back story. My FIL will be 83 in February and wanted to see our two year old son. I'm not very comfortable going there but I did. My FIL is losing his mind early Alzheimer's. He tends to walk around nude and can be very nasty. He always tells me that I'm fat. Also he always calls my son a momma's boy and today a little brat. My son wanted to come home. So I waited for an hour and a half then decided that we had enough. My so called husband flew off the handle and called me selfish and childish. He also said that I stink and a fat cu*&. And a bitch. Now I'm a bitch for sticking to my guns and leaving?
I'm at a loss on what to do.

Answer

Really reflect on your relationship. Name calling is never okay. 
Alzheimer’s is tough and it’s the disease not them. Sounds like the visit was within driving distance so I would have maybe brought the FIL out for a meal then back to his home so nudity wouldn’t happen and interaction was limited. With Alzheimer’s the visits are for loved ones, not the person whose suffering from the disease.

Answer

Sounds like FIL was always like this and your husband learned from him. He should NEVER let anyone talk to you or your son like that, Alzheimer's or not. The fact that he allows it and is now doing it himself means he has no respect for you. I would be on my way out the door and never looking back if I were you.

Answer

please leave him this is so fucked up

Answer

Do yourself a favor and leave the douche. Do you want your son to grow up to be just like that person because if you don't cut that person out of your life that's what's going to happen.

Answer

I've worked with a lot of people with alzheimers, and it's the disease they don't know any better, but you have to realize your husband is in denial with his father's disease as well as he's losing his father and also no, I don't believe you should bring your 2 yr old around as they don't understand and it can be emotionally damaging to your child but I don't think anyone should be blamed they can't help it and your husband is hurting so just be patient and supportive during this time. I also hope he apologized for his behavior.

Answer

Does your husband have Alzheimer’s too? If not then what the fuck is his problem?

Answer

So as a nurse who has worked with Alzheimer’s patients, this disease is so difficult. It absolutely makes people do and say things they never would originally. I hope FIL is not living alone as that can be very dangerous. 
As for the husband, he definitely should not have said any of that but he also just realized how bad his father really is and I’m sure that hurt. I’m not saying he has the perfect excuse, just maybe talk to him about your concerns and he can more rationally talk about his feelings as well. 
Dealing with a loved one who is sick can be extremely difficult. Especially if you are in denial or did not realize how truly bad they have gotten. I’ve seen many families in absolute shock and react in anger when we tell them “I’m sorry we had to use mitts last night, your *so and so* became violent.”  The biggest reaction is “they would never” which is true but when it comes to Alzheimer’s or dementia, it’s no longer the family member they knew. Heartbreaking. 
Try and give him a little bit of grace and have a real discussion about it when emotions are down. Maybe look into some resources for him. He could be afraid he will become that way as well since Alzheimer’s can be passed along. 
Wishing you all the best! This is so difficult.

Answer

I agree with the comments, your FIL has a disease and cannot help the way he behaves, things he says and so on. Your husband does not have this excuse and name calling shouldn’t be a thing in a relationship let alone a marriage. If my husband called me fat or a c*not so way would I be okay with it. If things wouldn’t change, I would consider divorce and that is not something I put lightly. 
Has the name calling been a thing he always does? Or was it a one time heat of the moment thing? Also, why isn’t your husband with in these visits? As someone else commented, visits are more for the loved ones than the person…

Answer

I hope you mean soon to be ex husband

Answer

So you have every right to never go there with your child again. You can protect your child from absolutely anything you see necessary and I personally would not be exposing my child to someone so lost to Alzheimer's that they are abusive even if it's not their fault. I also would leave my husband for talking to me like that, there's zero excuse. You're NOT wrong. Your baby's emotional health is first and foremost over visiting someone who won't even know if you're there or not.

Am I wrong?

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